Everytime I see your face
by JoonyMoon
Summary: AU: Adult Lauren is reminiscing about her first love. Teenage Bo and Lauren. Flashbacks, future drama.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Everytime**

**Author:** JoonyMoon

**Show**: Lost Girl

**Pairing**: Doccubus, Bo/Lo

**Rating**: T

**Notes**: AU, Teen Bo, Teen Lauren, Flashbacks

_Italics_: Flashback

_Italics_ and centered: Lyrics

Lyrics by Simple Plan - Everytime

**Chapter 1**

The faint shine of the moon was engulfing the dark living room. It was winter and the days were short. I didn't recognize the sun going down and the moon replacing it's counter part. I didn't care about the darkness that was covering me like a warm coat in the cold November's wind, protecting me from the empty world outside.

Pictures were scattered all over the floor. Pictures of my past. Our past together. A wonderful time my mind often wandered back to. Happy times when I had allowed myself to feel, to be complete.

Now I sat in my living room, nursing my fith or was it my fourth glass of wine. I felt slightly tipsy but not more then usual. As a doctor I always warned people about excessive intoxication, but since the accident the red liquid was the only thing that managed to calm my nerves. I knew about the dangers, I knew that I was at the edge of slipping into alcoholism, but I just felt so empty and alone. There was a void inside me that craved to be filled no matter how crappy the substitute, at least it numbed the pain that ripped me apart. I had responsibilities and I used to be so strong but now I was just an empty shell clinging to sanity. I've never imagined that it was possible to be addicted to a person but then you came into my life and got me fixed from the first moment. You were my drug, my motivation, my love and my life. There were times I cursed you for entering my life, for causing all this pain but then I saw how ridiculous it was and just gave up. Strong on the outside but a wreck on the inside.

It became a routine for me to sit here looking at those old pictures. Pictures of us, when we were kids and some when we were teenagers. Pictures of us at home, at the beach or the park. Pictures connected with happy memories and sad ones.

I picked up a photo showing us at the age of 13 hanging out at our special place. It was a few kilometres away from our home town. A private lake, framed by a high metal fence. I had to smile when I thought about how we discovered it. We had skipped school and you were the one who made me, like always. You had never cared about the rules or what others thought. A bad influence my mother called you whenever we came home with ripped jeans and dirt all over us. You were always very persuasive and charming. There was rarely a thing I said no to when you were involved. Me always being the one playing by the rules, me being the nerd, me being a walking library you often called me, had been skipping classes. I have had no idea at that time where we were going, you had just told me to trust you. So we've jumped in the next bus until it's final destination and ran until we saw that beautiful place. Hidden behind trees and a fence was a small lake. We climbed over the fence, and fell in love with the place and secretly,without realizing at first, with each other.

We came often back here, talking about our lives, skinny dipping, playing silly games or just enjoying the company of one another.

I couldn't see the photo that was now in my hand because it was to dark but I didn't need to. Every contour, every tiny detail was burned into my head. Slowly my finger traced over your features remembering the feeling of your soft skin under my fingertips. It was like your unmistakable scent was filling my nostrils and my body with a warmth I thought I had forgotten. I still remembered the day the photo was taken like it was yesterday.

_It was three AM when you woke me up_

_And we jumped in the car and drove as far as we could go_

_Just to get away_

_It was actually three AM. I was fast asleep when I suddenly felt your lips on mine. It was just a gentle kiss. My first kiss and it was wonderful. You probably didn't plan for me to wake up to it, because you started to blush when I opened my eyes signalizing that I was awake._

_″I'm sorry Lo... I... you.. you looked so peaceful and cute while you were sleeping.. I.. I shouldn't... Sorry..." You stuttered, hectically trying to pull a strand of your dark hair behind your ear._

_″It's okay" I just said, not wanting to deepen the conversation, to afraid of the outcome._

_I wasn't surprised or wondered about your late visit. You often came to my place at night, slipping through the window after you had climbed the tree in front of it._

_You came when you wanted to escape your home. The home your mother was taking home different man every night. They were loud and you were disgusted. Only lately your mother seemed to have one partner who frequently visited and you wondered why. They were fighting all the time and your mother? The mother who didn't care who didn't seem to love you. The mother who didn't respect you, never thinking anything good of you? You just wanted to get away from her, from them. Especially your „stepfather" You called him by now. Your stepfather who started to drink himself into oblivion since he lost his job. The same one, hitting you whenever he felt like it. I've never seen him before, but from the things you told me about him, I've hated the bastard and only felt disdain for the woman who called herself your mother. It was a wonder that you didn't turn out like her. Your heart was always on the right side. Never did you hurt anyone willingly only to protect the weaker._

_After pacing nervously up and down my room you finally spoke. ″Get dressed Geeky McGeek, we go out"_

_I stopped questioning you years ago. I loved spending time with you and enjoyed every minute and opportunity._

_I just smiled at you. I quickly got dressed, not without feeling your eyes wandering over my body. A slight blush crept across my face. Fortunately it was dark so you couldn't see it. I was very self conscious of my body, but you were always the one who told me that I was beautiful and made me feel like it. I always believed you, trusted you. When I turned after I got dressed I saw you blush, being caught._

_″So.. shall we go?" I asked. You were a bit stunned about me being this straight forward. Usually I was the one who was afraid of what my father would do or say if he found out, afraid of getting into trouble like we mostly did. But in the end I always was coming with you. Just to see the big fat smile you gave me when I accepted. The smile that was only reserved for me, spreading a warm feeling in my chest. Eventhough I didn't knew at that time why I felt the warm feeling in my chest. Tonight was the first time I agreed coming with you without a single unsuporting word, without any reason escaping my logical mouth. I just agreed and felt still giddy from the slight touch of your lips._

_While climbing down the tree was easy for you -doing it almost everynight- I had some problems. I nearly fell, but you catched me with your long, slender but strong arms. I always felt safe in those arms. The smell of nicotine and leather entered my nose mixed with the scent of your shampoo and body it was your personal, special scent. The scent that always calmed me but on the same time made my heart beat faster than usual. I inhaled it deeply, which send shivers down my spine._

_Slowly I pulled away knowing that we couldn't stand here like this forever, even when I wished for it. I looked into your face which greeted me with a shy smile. I returned it until I discovered the bruise on your right eye, which you tried to hide behind make up. But even in the dim light of the full moon the dark purple gleamed under the mask. I pulled up my hand, gently touching the swollen part of your face, causing you to flinch slightly._

_″Did... Did he do it again?" my voice was soft and full of concern, but you just turned your head away from me. Still trying to keep up your mask. ″Ysabeau..." I just said. ″look at me..." and you did. Bottled up tears started to form and you just pulled me into a tight hug. You didn't sob or said anything. You just held me. I felt your tears trickling down onto my neck. Everyone knew your strong sight, trouble making, never listening to rules, big mouthed Bo, never beeing afraid. But I knew your other sight. The scared Bo, the nervous Bo, but also the genuinly happy Bo. The always helpful one, the best friend. I didn't say anything, I knew you didn't want to hear it. You just needed me in your arms._

_I often tried to convince you to go to the police, but you refused. Saying that nobody would believe you and that you were scared, scared for your life. And despite everything they... your mother was still your family._

_″Let's just get out of here" You said after a while, whipping your tears away with your sleeve. Then you grabbed my hand and we ran. We ran until we reached your car you had just bought today from the money you had earned the last months in a cafe._

_It was an old yellow Camarro. You stormed to the passenger side opening the door for me. ″My princess hotpants..." nearly making a curstey. Hotpants? Must be your weird friend Kenzi who didn't seem to like me even one bit._

_″Where to?" I asked when you started the engine._

_You send me a smirk ″You really have to ask? Away Lo... away from this shit" And we started our journey into the dark of the night._

**A/N: A short start for a short Doccubus story. Tell me what you think. Already finished the second chapter. Won't be to long. Maybe 6 Chapters? Continue? Want more? I promise I will continue the rest this just... grabbed me for a sec.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Everytime**

**Author:** JoonyMoon

**Show**: Lost Girl

**Pairing**: Doccubus, Bo/Lo

**Rating**: T

**Notes**: AU, Teen Bo, Teen Lauren, Flashbacks

_Italics_: Flashback

_Italics_ and centered: Lyrics

Lyrics by Simple Plan - Everytime

**Chapter 2**

_We drove in silence just enjoying the company of each other. I sometimes stole a glance at you. Mustering you. I followed your cheekbones, dived into your dark eyes and enjoyed the sensation filling me. I was drowning in them. They welcomed me and engulfed me like a warm blanket in a cold winter night. They were so warm but mysterious. My eyes were wandering over your other features. Your dark hair framed your despite the nasty bruise beautiful face. I laughed when you unsuccessfully tried to tame the lonely violet streak which always fell into your face. Coloring a strand of your hair was your newest tiny way to rebel, breaking the habit._

_You send me a quick glare, which immediately turned into a wonderful smile the moment our eyes met. I felt like sinking into those dark orbs until you turned your eyes back on the street. Feeling that I already missed looking at you, you gently laid your hand on my knee squeezing it slightly. Together with the quick grin you gave me I felt my whole body tingle, sending little sensations through it. _

_You had probably no idea at that moment, what a touch of you did to me, or did you? I wasn't sure. In all the time I knew you it had always been hard to read you. I just knew that I felt protected and safe whenever I was with you. I took long to analyze this feelings, trying to find a logical answer to it. But the result had always been the same: My head had no rational explanation for me. It was my heart finally telling me what had happened. Under the loud voices of my head it hadn't managed to break through at first. Always the rational one, analyzing things first, it took long for my brain to surrender and let my heart take over._

_That was a few days ago. Since then I slowly started to understand what was happening to me. And I wasn't sure if I should be happy or scared._

_I must have fallen asleep, no wonder, I haven't slept very long before you came over. I woke up when the car came to a hold and I heard your voice._

_″Wake up sleepyhead" You cupped my cheek with one hand, planting a soft kiss on my forehead. This feeling, again. An armada of butterflies were fluttering in my belly and I tried hard to keep that stupid, goofy smile from my face._

_I slowly opened my eyes and started yawning and stretching. While doing that I recognized some weight on my arms. Your leather jacket. You must have wrapped me in it while I was asleep to keep me warm. And I felt it again. My heart was making somersaults. I inhaled your scent which was all around the jacket before I got out of the car._

_I saw the familiar fence and the sign __**'No trespassing'**__ Of course you had brought me to our place. I stretched and inhaled the fresh night air. When I blinked you were already climbing the fence, waving for me to follow._

_″Wait for me" I yelled, pulling your jacket tighter and followed you. You were already on the other side and started to run with a big smile on your face. You were always fast, making it hard for me to catch up._

_″Come and get me" You said laughing, while you turned around for a second to wink at me._

_I grabbed the metal and climbed up, just to jump down on the other side. I accepted your challenge and ran. I ran through the woods, circling the lake which lay hidden in the center. But I lost you. I stopped at the place where we usually sat, supporting myself with my hands on my knees. My breathing was heavy and my lungs burned never being the athletic one of us._

_″Fuck..Bo where are you? You know that I'm scared being alone here" I shouted into the silence surrounding me. It was dark and I could barely make out the outlines of something. Wverything seemed to glow in the dim moon light that the crescent moon at dark night sky spend. The wind was blowing and howling between the trees. Goosebumps appeared and I felt cold, chilly. To say that I was scared was an understatement. Noises, whispers... I shivered and pulled the jacket tighter around me while I was screaming your name._

_I looked around. When I was suddenly jumped from behind, I let out a terrified scream._

_″Shhh... Lo," you hushed._

_″Shhhe?! Shhh?! Are you FUCKING kidding me? you scared me to death" I yelled pissed beyond relief._

_″Sorry" you said between chuckles ″but... but I just had to. Forgive me, huh?" You poked me into my sides. I was angry, pissed for you using my fears against me, but your puppy dog pout, was irresistible..._

_″Well... Okay, but not without a little punishment" I smirked. You raised one eyebrow._

_Without another warning I started to tickle you, causing you to giggle uncontrollably. ″Noo.. please, have mercy" You laughed. But I continued, loving to see you giggle whimpering, writhing under my touch, begging for release. The pictures I created made me space out for a moment, sending a warm feeling through my body and inappropriate images to my mind. That moment you used to counter my actions, now tickling me with a predatory grin on your face. I ran, you chased me and got me. Still tickling each other we laughed wholeheartedly. Having left the things that bothered us behind us. _

_Whenever we were here, it was like we were in our own world. Nothing from outside mattered._

_All boundaries imposed by our families, the society and unfortunately by ourselves seemed to disappear here. Here we were just us. Bo and Lauren._

_We finally felt like ourselves. A feeling I only had when I was with you. My father always said you were a bad influence. I say that you were the one that made me feel alive and complete._

_By now we were rolling around the grass, continuing our tickle fight there, after you dragged me to the ground. We were fighting for dominance, neither about to give up._

_I straddled your legs, which wasn't easy, because usually you were the stronger one. I used the advantage of being on top, which funnily often was the case when we were doing this. I had always wondered if you just let me. I grabbed your wrists, which were still tickling me and pinned them beside your head._

_Just now we became aware of our position, the proximity of our bodies. Your chest was rising fast up and down. Our breathing was still heavy from our fight, but it wasn't the only reason for the increasing of our heartbeat. I felt it again, the urge to being near you, to touch you, feel you._

_You weren't fighting anymore, neither did I. You just looked at me. Looked at me with these wonderful dark eyes, which mirrored insecurity, desire and maybe love? People say the eyes were the windows of our souls. If that was true, you probably needed to clean yours. I could just speculate of what was going inside you. The fear of misinterpreting something was big, I didn't want to make a fool out of myself._

_My look wandered to your slightly parted lips. The soft lips that kissed me earlier. It was just a tang of a kiss, but it already had sent shivers down my spine. I wondered what a real kiss with you would feel like. My heart began to beat faster at the image alone._

_The problem was I didn't know how you felt about the kiss, didn't know about your intentions. Were you just playing with me or did you have feelings? I wasn't by far the first person you had kissed and not even the only girl. You were always a charmer and the people seemed to be drawn to you. I was afraid of being hurt, hurt by the person who was the probably most important one in my life._

_And then there were my rational thoughts coming back to me. The rational thoughts, that usually weren't present at this place. You were a rascal, my father didn't like you, and on top of that a woman, a girl. What would people think of us? I wasn't gay, was I? It was wrong, wasn't it? My friends, would they turn away?_

_But then my heart chimed in. Why should I care what my other friends would think? The only one that ever mattered were you. I didn't need to define my sexuality. I liked you and that was enough. The tingling, the feeling that was always present when we were together counted more than any fear. The happiness I felt whenever I was with you, was what filled me. No matter what people would think, I needed you, I needed you to live, to breath. My heart spoke against my brain. They fought again..._

_Being supported by this place, my heart won, at least for the moment. I didn't care for the consequences for once. I just wanted to feel, to give in to what I craved._

_I had let go of your wrist, my right hand was now cupping your cheek, tracing the contours of your face. Your skin was so smooth and warm._

_Your eyelids were closed, eyelashes fluttering in anticipation. You obviously enjoyed what I was doing. I couldn't really control my hands, they explored by themselves. I felt your hot breath on my hand, when my thumb slowly traced the outlines of your lips. I barely heard a sigh escaping your mouth. A second later I felt you planting a kiss on my thumb. Even though it was quite a cold night I felt my temperature rising._

_You didn't put any pressure on me. no. Your hands were resting on my hips, caressing them with gentle strokes, but you didn't pull me down, or forced me to do anything. You were just waiting for my moves. To afraid to destroy everything that had built up so far, not knowing what was about to come._

_We shared another look, beginning to sink into our souls. Your eyes, your windows became clearer and I could make out the desire, the hope, the love that I wished for. It was no longer a blur._

_I cupped your face. My heart started beating rapidly. I had never done this before, but I had also never longed for anything this much._

_The hands that stroked my hips had stopped and were now resting in anticipation on what was about to come._

_I slowly leaned down. My heart hammered in my ears. The thousand thoughts that kept running through my mind had just moments ago disappeared. The only thing left was this feeling. The feeling I was eventually about to give in._

_Our lips were just centimetres away now. Your breath was tickling my face. There was no turning back now. I quickly glanced up to your eyes which were being closed again in anticipation._

_You were so beautiful. My look went down again to your soft lips, that I desperately wanted to feel against mine. Melting the fear of my inexperience in these things, this being my first real kiss._

_I couldn't hold it anymore and closed the small gap between us..._


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: Everytime**

**Author:** JoonyMoon

**Show**: Lost Girl

**Pairing**: Doccubus, Bo/Lo

**Rating**: T

**Notes**: AU, Teen Bo, Teen Lauren, Flashbacks

_Italics_: Flashback

_Italics_ and centered: Lyrics

Lyrics by Simple Plan - Everytime

**Chapter 3**

_I have read many books, seen many films and heard my friends talking about the sensation that was called kissing, but I've never imagined how powerful, how wonderful it would be. None of them must have ever kissed you or they would have been marked. Marked in their souls. Marked for their lives._

_A warm feeling spread inside me, sparks of a thousand lightnings jolted through my body. Your lips on mine felt like I was in heaven. How could this feel so right? I knew at that moment that this was the place where I belonged._

_Your hands were pulling me down a bit. And you took on the lead. I didn't really know what to do. I just knew that this felt amazing._

_We broke apart just for a moment, staring into eachothers eyes, still not believing what was happening._

_A smile, the biggest smile I've ever seen, you gave me, which I returned with one coming out of my deepest soul._

_You pulled my loose hair behind my ear, just to cup my cheek the next moment, circling my face with your thumb. Making me melt into your touch, wanting nothing more than being near you, longing for another kiss, but I was afraid. Being the inexperienced one I was afraid, of being rejected by you, boring you, being too bad at it._

_″Bo..." I whispered._

_″Hmm?" you responded, but not without pecking me on the lips first._

_″I..." I just stammered. To many feelings were overflowing my young body. It was hard grasping on any coherent sentence to let escape my mouth._

_″What's wrong?" Your voice sounded concerned._

_″I don't really know what to do... I'm sorry about that, I'm probably bad... I wish I could make you feel the same way you make me feel.. If you don't want any..." I babbled, but was cut short by your lips on mine. I felt them opening slightly starting to suck on my bottom lip, making me to let out a small moan. Never did I think how good this could feel._

_But you quickly broke away from me, leaving me confused. You pulled up your other hand. Now both your hands were cupping my face. Your thumbs were stroking my cheeks while you spoke to me._

_″Lauren..." You softly said. ″You are amazing, but you think way too much. I know that you love your books , but there are things in life you cannot learn about in those. There are things you need to experince...Like kissing... Everyone is different, likes different things. We are having to learn what the other one likes, together Lo. Please remember..." You pointed at my forehead „you don't kiss with your mind" You took my hand, placing it on your chest where your heart was beating rapidly. ″...but with your heart" I nearly cried at your words. Who would have thought that under the rough skin was a hopeless romantic hidden._

_″Can you feel it?" you asked me. I simply nodded. ″Nobody has ever made me feel like this... So I'd say that you are doing it damn well right"_

_I smiled... You always knew how to cheer me up. Always. So I leaned down, pressing my lips onto yours, tracing the contours of your lips with my tongue._

_Soon both our tongues started to participate and I realised that it wasn't so difficult. We started to loose ourselves in the kiss. Courage blossomed and I nipped at your lip, sucked it in my mouth. Your taste was addicting. Our hands started to roam memorizing every bit of our bodies. But when I felt your hand slip under my shirt, caressing my bare flesh, I snapped._

_My build up courage disappeared as quick as it came. What was I doing here? My rational thoughts came back and so did my fears._

_I pulled away from you and was met by your confused look. I turned my head away, not being able to look you in the eyes anymore. As great as it may have felt, as wrong was it. Wrong. I needed some fresh air, needed to get away from you, if only for a second so I slowly got up._

_″Lo...Lauren?" You nearly whimpered still clinging onto me._

_″I... I need to pee" I loosened your grip on me and turned around, walking into the woods. Tears started to flow uncontrollably I stifled my sobs with my hand covering my mouth. What was happening to me? What have I done? What have I done to my best friend? Things that seemed so clear just moments ago became a blur again._

_My best friend.. that's what you were... I must have confused the feelings... That's what it is..._

_But it felt...so good... so right..._

_ My head screamed wrong and I usually believed what my head said, but how can something that felt so wonderful, so right be wrong? I touched my lips gently with my fingerstips. Lips that had kissed you minutes ago. Lips that longed to be kissed again, but I couldn't or could I?_

_I slit down a tree with my back, slumping to the ground with a loud thud. My knees pressed to my chest, hugging them I cried into the night. Tears started streaming freely, wetting my cheeks with the salty liquid. And I knew that nothing was going to be the same like before._

_What was I doing? I knew that I must have hurt you and my heart clenched thinking about how miserable you must be feeling and how stupid my reaction was. How was I supposed to make this right again? Why did my head always have to chime in and why was my mind even against it? This indescribable feeling. My heart wanted to crawl into you, wanted a piece from you just to emb itself in your chest. It wanted to beat in the same rythm of yours, wanted to be with his counter part. But my mind had to be the jealous one. The rational one it always had been._

_How could I even doubt your feelings for a second? The things you evoked in me were beyond anything imaginable. You've always been honest to me, you showed me how to let loose, to trust my heart sometimes and now I probably made you doubt, feel miserable because of me. My heart was screaming for me to do this right, but my mind weight so heavy on my slender shoulders. It was telling me that I'd lose you when I'd fully give in what was a paradoxon in it's own way. It warned me to not fall in love because it would hurt too much, but what was this? I was pathetic in my own kind of way. Wallowing in self pity wasn't usually my way to deal with things._

_Frustrated I threw my head back against the tree trunk and was rewarded by something hitting me on the head. Expecting a twig or a small egg my mind stopped for a second when I recognized the content of my hand. Dumbstruck I let the chain of the necklace glide through my fingers. It was cold but the feeling so familiar. _

_The weather had taken it's toll on it. Dirty and scratched but still so wonderful and heartwarming. _

Reaching down my blouse I pulled out the necklace holding it between my fingers. I calmed down at the familiar weight. „Forever" I whispered and a single tear crept down my face. With shaking hands I pulled the pendant to my lips and kissed it. Holding on to the piece of silver like my life depended on it I sank deeper into my misery. Having lost the fight my tears were now falling uncontrollably down my cheeks. A sob escaped my lips when I tried to breathe, but my lungs refused to accept the air that was filling them. It hurt like nothing had hurt ever before. You had promised me the day you had giving me this and you broke it. I had to calm myself down. My mind escaped from the horrible reality and fled to the memory of our first meeting.

_I was still so young. Sitting alone at the park wasn't an unusual occurence. Most children refused to play with me, said I was to nerdy and uptight. I've always been the rich girl who every kid usually met with disdain. Snob, bookworm, know it all were only a few names they had given me over the years. My mother always said that they were jealous, that they wanted to be like me, but I wasn't sure about that. I was an early bloomer, teached myself to read very early and used read one book after another. At home, sunken in another world, reading about adventures far far away, I felt far more comfortable then than outside where I had to face the cruel reality that called itself childhood._

_I usually rather stayed at home, alternating between adventure stories and my first simple text books. Unfortunately my parents wanted me to have a social life, wanted for me to enjoy nature. It wasn't like I didn't enjoy playing at the playground. I saw simple physics on the swings and experimented with the sand and its ability to be formed in many different shades. But the other kids usually laughed at me and destroyed every joy I had been feeling to that point._

_At that particular afternoon I was at the playground again, but this time I was bawling my eyes out. _

_„Hey why are you crying?" startled by the voice I looked up and saw for the first time in your beautiful face. A band aid was sticking to your forehead, your clothes were dirty and your knees were scratched when you stood in front of me with a concerned look twinkling in your eyes. A little embarrassed I started whiping my tears away. I couldn't help myself but blush uncontrollably. Your look grew more worried when I didn't say a thing. You kneeled down to my eyelevel and gently put your hand on my forehead. Mirroring your actions on your own body you shook your head after a short time and let go. „Phew... No fever...I just thought... Erm... sorry for just touching you" you scratched your neck a little embarrassed turning your eyes down to the ground. A few awkward moments later you had decided to slump down beside me on the ground. The ground was dirty but you didn't seem to care. It was a wonderful summers day. The leaves on the tree behind us were rustling in the soft wind. This was usually a more quiet place in the shadow of the old ash but it always had been my kind of safe haven. Always watching over me the ash had protected me even if I only was seated in it's shadow. It was cold and lonely sometimes but I liked it that way until you came into my life. _

_Fumbling a little nervously with the hem of your shirt you looked so adorable. Your feet were drumming rhythmically on the floor and I could feel the energy surrounding you. Restless and wild._

_Letting go of your shirt you shyly turned your head and looked at me with the most impressive dark brown eyes I had ever seen. „I know I shouldn't ask... but why... why were you crying? Did someone hurt or erm... did your doggie die?" You still didn't know what to do with your hands so you drilled a tiny hole in the slight wet ground._

_„It's... It's nothing. It's stupid... You don't have to talk to me or... or sit with me..." I rambled._

_„Don't be silly... You look nice why are you sitting here alone?" You cocked your head sending me a toothy smile. Your concern seemed so genuine so I decided to be honest with you. „I... I was sitting here... reading but then a older boy appeared and took my bag and my book... Really it's... it's ok, it was my fault..."_

_„Your fault? How can it be your fault when some flathead steals your things?" _

_„I shouldn't have gone out... stayed home instead of coming here... I know better... I know that Vex and his gang always walks around here making trouble..."_

_Your look grew darker when you positioned yourself in front of me. Your knees were digging in the muddy ground hands on my knees to support yourself. Dark orbs were fixing me intently. „Vex? That's the name of the guy who did that? Where is he?" You jumped to your feet. „Show me, I'm gonna teach him to mess with someone his own size" You were already cracking your knuckles forming them into fists. I quickly got to my feet putting a comforting hand on your visibly stressed shoulder. I was in awe by your protectiveness eventhough you didn't know me, but on the same time I was a little frightened. I used to get out of the way of any conflict that could arise. I rather stayed calm and reasonable instead of taking actions. _

_Your muscles wer flexing in anticipation under my hand. You were about to run, looking for Vex not caring how strong he might be, not knowing where you could find him. I grabbed your wrist before you were able to escape, turning you around so you could face me. I've met your questioning face looking at me._

_„Please don't go... Vex is strong and I mean really strong."_

_„You think I'm weak?" you looked so hurt in that moment that I could have kicked myself for my words._

_„Yes...No.. I over something silly like my bag._

_„But your bag... your things..."_

_„Are not important... Why do you even want to help me? You don't know me... I'm a complete stranger..." You turned completely now standing only a few decimetres away from me. „Because I was once you... and... I'd like to know you... I know it sounds stupid but... I just... well... wanted to talk to you..." A deep blush adorned your face._

_„I'm Lauren" I said. Something inside me was drawing me to you, a voice in my head told me to know more about you how important you would be in my future I didn't know at that moment._

_You smiled again at the mentioning of my name. „Bo... Well... actually Ysabeau but please don't call me like that..." I had to smile at you. Maybe, just maybe I had luck for once in life and found friend._

**_A/N: I'm stopping here because else this chapter would get to long. I appreciate your kind reviews and that I managed to evoke actual feelings in you makes me speechless. This story won't be a happy ride all the time. I will be switching between the present time and different flashbacks along the story like I did in this chapter. Next chapter there will be a big surprise (or not, dunno how good you are at guessing which way I'm about to go, which btw I'd like to hear if you want to share) so stay tuned. _**


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: Everytime**

**Author:** JoonyMoon

**Show**: Lost Girl

**Pairing**: Doccubus, Bo/Lo

**Rating**: T

**Notes**: AU, Teen Bo, Teen Lauren, Flashbacks

_Italics_: Flashback

_Italics_ and centered: Lyrics

Lyrics by Simple Plan - Everytime

**Chapter 4**

_„Look what we got here... Lewis found herself a friend." sneered the older dark haired boy that was coming closer. „Did you already arrange your kindergarten marriage?" he mocked with a filty grin on his face._

_„Is that Vex?" You whispered into my ear. I just gulped and nodded weakly. He wasn't alone. His trusty companion was following him, my pink bag with drawings of cute kittens was dangling from his meaty hand. Hugo had never been the smart one but he was big, fat and aggressive and Vex's lap dog._

_„That's not yours" You hissed pointing at the bag in Hugos hand. „Give it back and I will be nice" You were standing taller, your eyes formed into slits._

_„Bo... please..." I whispered but you seemed to ignore me._

_Vex gave a laugh. „Where did you find that energizer bunny? Did you charm her or why is she protecting you like a rabid guard dog?"_

_„I count to three..." you growled._

_„And then what? You gonna cry? Cry like the babies you two still are? Go home and play with the other kids. I don't a have a problem with you only with Richie Rich here." He pointed a waving finger at me. „You only have to go back to daddy crying and you will get your precious books back or rather new set. Twinkle a little with your eyes and you'll probably get a pony on top..." he spat._

_„One..."_

_„Oh really? You wanne play girly?"_

_„Two..." you clenched your hand to fists. Every try to calm you down bounced off from you. Your eyes were fixed on your opponent and I felt scared. _

_„Go little girl, this is not your fight, I don't have time for this..."_

_„THREE!" You yelled and stormed forward._

_Everything happened so fast. All I remembered was when we were watching Vex and his partner limping away, shaking his fist while he swore to take revenge._

_My lungs were burning and I felt a few cuts and bruises forming on my skin. Adrenalin was still pulsing through my veins when we slumped down exhausted. We just laughed for a long time still not really grasping what we actually managed. The pink kitty backpack was resting securely between my knees while I looked through my things. Everything was still there what surprised me even my copy of the grim's fairytails the book I loveved dearly since my mother had read the first story from it to me._

_My laughing dying down I picked up the old book. Smelling its pages picking up the familiar look calmed me down and send a smile to my face. It wasn't a pretty book. It looked worn, the paper was wrinkled on some pages but it was still beautiful in its own ways. I've found it at the flea market once and kept it as my treasure. The stories about witches and dwarfs and all the mystical creatures had always fascinated me so much that I even started to draw what I thought the creatures would look like. I've made a whole encyclopedia of all the creatures and knew every little detail. In my free time I often visited the library borrowing all kind of books containing mystical creatures. You could ask me anything and I knew it. That was probably one of the reasons why I hadn't any friends until you appeared._

_I felt your eyes watching me while I was inhaling the calming scent of the old book. You smiled warmly while you laid back on your elbows. I could see the bruises marring your beautiful face and I felt guilty for being the reason for it. Carefully I was stroking the cover of the book. It wasn't beautiful, but what was stored inside was what it made special. Taking a deep breath I made a quick decision. Gently putting the book on your lap you looked a little confused._

_„I...I want you to have it. I know it doesn't look so good but... but it's my favorite..." I saw your eyes widen and I suddenly felt dumb. „I'm.. sorry it's stupid... God I..." You moved quickly and stopped my rambling by putting your hands on my shoulders. „No, it's not stupid really not it's just..." You lowered your eyes „Noone has ever giving me something...I mean... ok my mom got me things for my birthday but that's not the same..." You looked embaressed. „But... I can't accept it..." I looked at you questioningly._

_„I saw how you looked at it. It must be very important to you..."_

_„It is, but... I want you to have it... It's the least I can do after what you did for me... „_

_„I..."_

_„Please... Keep it... I know every story by heart... If you don't like it it's ok..." I got self conscious again. I wasn't sure why I was so adamant for you to have the book. You were carefully turning the pages, looking at the artistic pictures. „Wow... so beautiful... You really.. you really want me to have it?" I just nodded and could swear that I saw a tiny tear forming in your eyes. You catched me by surprise when I felt your arms closing around me pulling me into a hug. „Thank you" you whispered and slowly let go of me. Your hands were fumbling at your neck until a necklace were dangling at your fingers. I was still stunned when you put it around my neck. The heart shaped pendant was warm on my skin._

_Your smile was wide when you looked at me. I was still speechless while I was gently stroking your gift with my fingers. „We're friends now" You said smiling. "Now your stuck with me.. Forever" You smiled._

Still sitting in the dark room I sobbed painfully. With the pendant in my hand my eyes wandered to the old and battered book mingling with several medical textbooks in the bookshelf. „Forever..." I whispered again when my tears dryed up. Gulping down the rest of my wine I picked up the fotos. They almost slipped out of my hand when I recognized the small figure standing at the door frame. A stuffed penguin clutched to her breast, deep brown eyes were staring at me. The dark brown hair was tousled like she just came out of bed.

I instantly let go of what I was doing and knelt down to her. „Charlie? It's late, you should be sleeping, sweetie" my voice sounded concerned when I checked the time. It was late way too late for a little girl.

„I... I can't sleep..." she stuttered.

„But you have to... You need to be fit tomorrow."

„But... But I'm so nervous..." her feet were drawing invisible circles while she pulled her stuffed animal tighter.

„Because of tomorrow?" She nodded. „I... I will see mommy again?" I gulped. Charlotte was still to young to grasp what had happened so I just nodded. „Can... Can I talk to her?"

„Yes of course" _But she can't answer you_ was what I wanted to add. I felt the pain pulling me down again but I couldn't crumble now. I had to be strong. Strong for Charlotte and strong for you. „Can... Can... erm.. Sleep with you tonight?" she asked shyly.

I nodded and smiled sadly at her while I picked her up. Making our way upstairs I felt Charlies arms holding tightly onto me while her head rested in the crook of my neck. She was starting to fall asleep while she listened to my steady heartbeat. The moment I tucked her in she was already fast asleep. I pressed a loving kiss on her temple and watched her for a few moments enjoying how peaceful she looked despite everything that had happened. Gently I was stroking her hair. She looked so much like you it was almost frightening. "I'll protect you... I will fight for you. I won't let them take you away from me... I rather die..." I whispered.

Taking a deep sigh I decided it was time for me too to go to bed. I quickly undressed but stopped infront of the mirror. My eyes were fixed on the still healing scar tissue covering almost my whole body. Fingers traced the biggest raw line of flesh causing memories I wished to forget to return. I felt disgusted by the person that looked back at me. Ugly, broken and hollow. The woman in the mirror was a ghost, a ghost haunting me, reminding me of the biggest failure in my life. Clenching my hands to fists I supressed the urge to shatter the reflecting glass and put on some shorts and a tanktop instead.

Sitting down on the bed I reached for the pills patiently waiting for me. Not caring about water I swallowed two pills. One for the pain and the other to help me to finally catch some sleep. Cuddling into my blanket I closed my eyes drifting to sleep and returning to the nightmares that were expecting me like every other night since the accident.

**A/N: I wonder if you saw that coming... What do you think? I don't know when the next update will be. I'm going to spain for vacation next week and that'll mean no updates then. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: Everytime**

**Author:** JoonyMoon

**Show**: Lost Girl

**Pairing**: Doccubus, Bo/Lo

**Rating**: T

**Notes**: AU, Teen Bo, Teen Lauren, Flashbacks

_Italics_: Flashback

_Italics_ and centered: Lyrics

Lyrics by Simple Plan - Everytime

**Chapter 5**

_The smell of smoke and burned flesh is filling my nostrils. I gag and feel nausea. My wobbly legs barely support me when I try to take one step after another. My vision is blurry, blood is seeping into my eyes making it hard to see through the smoke. Falling to my knees every few metres I have to fight for unconsciousness. Burned and molten clothes are sticking uncomfortable on my open flesh. It's hard to breath, every step hurt like hell and I know that my ribs are broken. Blood is pouring out of several wounds but my shocked state makes me continue my search. Panic is creeping up when I can't find you. Calling your name over and over again but there is no answer. Tears are mingling with blood dripping down my face. Blood seeping down my bloodied arm is pooling on my feet. And then suddenly I see you lying unconscious on the field next to me. I stumble in your direction slumping down next to you. I'm relieved to see only minor burn and scorch marks on your beautiful body. The heart shaped pendant resting on your chest. But that chest wasn't moving. Only now I see the wound on your head and I feel my world shattering down. I feel for a pulse but find none. The doctor in me kicks in and starts CPR. "Don't you dare leaving __ Charlie __ and __me __alone Ysabeau Lewis. I warn you" My voice is thick with emotions while I fight for you life. My tears are now flowing down freely. Desperately I'm breathing air into you lungs, see your chest raising with every attempt, but not on your own. We wanted to go away from everything that awaited us at home and now? Not caring about my own injuries I continue. Hands are shaking and I feel like a wreck. My mind is not grasping what is actually happening. Frantically feeling for a pulse that isn't there I feel the invisible rope around my neck getting tighter and tighter. I scream your name, heavy sobs rocking my body when I punched desperately your chest, begging for your heart to finally start its work again._

With a scream stuck in my throat I woke up. Cold sweat clinging on my body like a second skin. My heart was hammering in my chest, my breathing heavy. Eyes were still teary when I took a quick look at Charlie who was thankfully still asleep. Digging my nails into my hair I tried to calm down, taking deep breaths. The accident was haunting me and never left me alone. Not even the wine or the sleeping pills worked anymore. I fought the urge to curl myself into a tiny ball and reached for the drawer of the nightstand. Pulling out a perfect copy of my necklace I let the cold metal glide through my fingers. It calmed my nerves when my mind wandered back to that faithful evening we had shared our first kiss.

_With wide eyes I mustered the battered jewelery in my hands. We lost it sometime last summer when we were swimming and when we got back it was gone. I had been crying for days because of it until you had appeared one evening in my room. Dirty and breathless you had been standing there with smile on your face holding the necklace up. At first I had thought that you found it but after inspecting the heart shaped pendant and it missed the tiny scratch on the backside I knew it was a different one. I never told you, not wanting to hurt your feelings._

_And now I held the original one in my hand. A sign? I put the necklace around my neck and slowly got on my feet. Taking a deep breath I made my way back to you. You were still sitting were I left you. You looked so miserable hugging your knees sobbing and my heart broke a little bit to see you like this knowing that I was the reason for your distress. How could I even think for a moment that you weren't serious? I wasn't sure how to approach you, how to defuse the situation. Too many emotions were bubbling under my skin and I was afraid too say something wrong. Seeking for a solution I lolled my head back. The sky was clear and far away from the lit cities you could see the stars shining in all their glory. „I can distinguish Ursa Major..." I said to you. Did I really say this? Was that the best I could come up with? Why did I always have to be such a nerd..._

_You turned around looking at me and just started to laugh. I sent you a shy smile. You were probably the only person who loved it when I „geeked out"_

„_Show me" Your eyes were still red but the tears were starting to dry. Another shot of regret and pain struck me. I had to make this right. Forget the fear, forget what my brain told me now. I would my heart lead the way for once. _

_Slowly I sat down behind you leaning my chin on your shoulder. I felt both our breaths quicken at the contact. Pressed against your back, my knees resting on either side of you I inhaled your familiar scent and relaxed. This was where I belonged and I felt at home. My left arm rested gently on your stomach and pulled you close while my right slowly glided along your bare arm leaving goosebumps on its way. I stopped at your hand and intertwined our fingers. Your breath hitched. You must have felt the spark too that ignited the moment our hands touched. Enjoying the closeness for a moment I nuzzled my nose in your hair. Slowly I pulled our hands up and pointed at sky my fingertips stroking your soft skin when I held your hand steady. „Ursa Major is latin for large bear... When you connect those stars..." I pointed at a constellation shining brightly. „Can you see it?" I whispered. You nodded slightly too much in awe to say anything._

„_It's mentioned by many famous poets like Homer, Tennyson or even Shakespeare... Many legends and myths exist in different cultures..." I slowly sunk our hands down. Our arms and hands intertwined that nobody could say where one started and one ended, my thumb lovingly circled the back of your hands._

„_One of the myths is about Callisto a young Nymph of Artemis the goddess of hunting. She had been one of the goddess' favourites. They were so inclined that Callisto swore an oath of chastity. One afternoon, as Callisto laid down her bow and rested in a shady forest grove, Zeus caught sight of her and was entranced. Cunningly assuming the appearance of Artemis, Zeus entered the grove to be greeted warmly by the unsuspecting Callisto. He lay beside her and embraced her. Before the startled Callisto could react, Zeus revealed his true self and, despite Callisto's struggles, had his way with her. Zeus returned to Olympus, leaving the shame-filled Callisto almost not being able to face Artemis and the other nymphs._

_Sooo... When on a hot afternoon some months later, the hunting party came to a cool river and decided to bathe, Artemis stripped off and led them in, but Callisto hung back. As she reluctantly undressed, her advancing pregnancy was finally revealed. She had broken her vow of chastity. Artemis, scandalized, banished Callisto from her sight."_

„_That... That's horrible..."_

„_Yeah I know... Zeus was a fucking pervert..."_

„_So what has the story to do with those stars?"_

„_Well it got worse... When Callisto gave birth to a son with the name Arcas. Enraged by the infidelity of her husband Hera was determined to take revenge on her rival. Not caring about the circumstances. While she put down the poor girl, hairs started to grow and Callisto turned into a bear. For 15 years Callisto was roaming the woods looking like a bear but with a humans mind then she was being hunted and came face to face with her son Arcas. The boy not knowing that it was his mother tried to kill the bear until Zeus intervened by sending a whirlwind that carried them up into heaven, where Zeus transformed Callisto into the constellation Ursa Major and Ursa Minor, the greater and lesser bear. The way Zeus got the bears into the sky explains why their tails are so long, apparently Zeus grabbed them by their tails and swung them around over his head and finally flung them into the sky, and that is why these two bears have long tails... Oh god sorry... I'm boring you, ain't I?"_

„_What? No of course not... You know I love it when you are talking about scientific things or mythology... Your whole features start to glow and I can feel how happy you are..."_

_Remembering the two necklaces around my neck I fumbled for the newer one. It quickly came of and I put it around your neck. „Guess what literally knocked the sense of me in the woods..."_

„_Lauren... I... Sorry... I searched the whole day but... but I couldn't find it... I..." Turning your face around I put a finger on your lips. „Shh... Everything is fine." My hand moved and cupped your cheek searching your eyes for emotions and found warm pulses pulling me in. You nestled your cheek in my palm visibly enjoying the closeness. A sigh escaped your lips when you closed your eyes. „My god... you're beautiful..." I breathed pulling a strand of loose hair behind your ear with my other hand. My mouth worked on it's on when my lips planted a chaste kiss on your lips. Neither one of us deepening it. Your head turned again fixing on the stars above us and I knew you were wondering what kind of stories were waiting there to be told. _

_I felt you getting cold. Still wearing your leather jacket I pulled you more closely against my body. The silence wasn't awkward but relaxing. I couldn't remember when I felt so contend the last time and just enjoyed the moments we had together. We fit perfectly together and it was hard for me to understand how my mind could fight against this pure bliss. Neither of us dared to talk about the situation but we didn't have to. Our hearts were leading us._

_I smiled and pressed a loving kiss on your neck. I felt your pulse beating and quicken under my lips. Your smell was intoxicating and I couldn't get enough. The soft peck grew more urgent when I kissed along your neck. Hearing your soft moan made me braver and my hands worked on their own when they slightly slipped under the hem of your shirt touching the soft skin of your stomach. I felt muscles flexing under my fingertips. You were almost squirming in my arms when you turned around and looked me in the eyes with the most determent look I've ever seen. It didn't take long and I felt your lips back on mine hungrily seeking for entrance which I immediately granted. Your tongue was teasing me when I moaned into your mouth. I couldn't believe how good this felt. Digging my hands in your hair I pulled you flush to my body. _

_Intoxicated by your kisses I didn't even seem to care anymore. My hands were wandering, trailing down your spine just to finally came to a hold at your behind. Bravely my hands found their way into the back pockets of your jeans and felt the strong, full muscles under my palms. Pressing you against my angled thigh your groan was vibrating in your throat but I just sent you a cocky smirk in response._

_I was drunk. Drunk of you and your presence. I needed you close. Holding you, touching you, kissing you was heaven and I never wanted to stop at that moment. Every doubt was forgotten. Slowly I felt your hands getting braver. At first still reluctant from the last throw back they were doing their magic again. This time I didn't run. Destiny gave me the sign to go to hell with any rational thoughts. When we stopped for a moment I felt my heart beating one hundred miles an hour. Your breathing was labored and came out as small puffs when our foreheads leaned against each other. You were lying on top of me pressing me flush against the ground while your right leg rested between my thighs dangerously next to my desiring core. One hand was holding you up while the other was still softly touching the skin of my abdomen._

_I saw the desire and want in your eyes. Cheeks in a deep red, victim of your obvious arousal. My body was tingling, my hormones screaming for release. You were no stranger to sex unlike me. Except the awkward self exploring that weren't that awkward anymore I was inexperienced. I had to lie if I said that I had never done some... research but still this was unknown territory and it made me nervous. _

_You leaned down again, noses barely touching. Our lips were only centimetres away. You were waiting for me, for my ok. My curiosity and desire won so I closed the gap. We rolled around fighting to be on top. Your leather jacket gone by now in the struggle I felt your hands slowly wandering up my torso shyly tracing the underside of my breast. I couldn't help myself but let out a deep sigh as a response. Daring to be more open I got one step further and cupped a bra clad breast. I was taken back how soft it was and how perfectly it fit into my palm. I was reworded by a guttural moan of you when I gently started to knead the soft tissue. It wasn't so much different from mine only slightly fuller and so wonderful. The urge to see them crept up inside me which was ridiculous. I had seen them for many times before, when we dressed or swam it wasn't unknown territory but now it seemed like something entirely new to explore._

_You just nodded when my hands were on the hem of your shirt and my eyes asked for allowance. Getting rid of the hindering item I got a full look on your body and was just transfixed by the toned upper body that greeted me. I must have overlooked the detail how trained you really were until now. I saw the tiny peeks showing through your bra because of the cold or maybe arousal? A curious finger softly stroked the sensitive nub through fabric. Your body arched into my hand demanded for more. _

_Straddling you I gently cupped your soft mounds letting the feeling to sink in at first. Your eyes were dark of arousal when you pulled me down for a hard wanting kiss. I was delirious by your kisses and touches. My body felt like goo in your skilled hands. Quickly you got rid of my shirt and obviously appreciated what you saw. Licking your lips with relish your eyes seemed to glow. _

_My mind was foggy with hormones. I needed more of you, more flesh. I was entranced, enthralled by you and needed more. Not being sure if my long abstinence, my teenage hormones, my unbidden desire or maybe even love was the catalyst for my emotions._

_After a few seconds of awkward fumbling I finally managed to open the clasp of your bra. I felt my cheeks heating up uncontrollably and my heart beating a lot faster at the view. You smirked at my wide open jaw just to press me down again. My back was resting on your leather jacket while your mouth gently took a few bites at my neck. Licking and sucking the sensitive pulsepoint, you forced a deep sigh out of me. Your kisses wandered lower tracing the line of my collar-bone while I dug my fingers into your hair enjoying your touches. _

_I felt the undeniable heat spreading in my groin when the wet tip of your tongue reached its destination sucking the engorged nub of my breast into your mouth after you pulled the annoying fabric away._

_Feeling so happy and perfect I never expected that everything would find an end to soon. I didn't know how many obstacles would be thrown in our way in the future._

**A/N: Couldn't help myself and had to continue before my vacation. Hope this chappy was ok. Back to the flashback... Hope I got the Callisto mythology right. Was quite some time ago when we had to translate it in latin but I thought it would fit with Lauren. Geeking out so to say and talking about her passion (mythology ;) ) I'm not sure if I have to change the rating because of the last bit. Hope it was readable. I'm not... used to writing this especially about teenager. (They are old enough to be doing this I swear). A little more fluff and happy times after the last chapter. There's a lot of drama about to come so enjoy the happy times ;)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: Everytime**

**Author:** JoonyMoon

**Show**: Lost Girl

**Pairing**: Doccubus, Bo/Lo

**Rating**: T

**Notes**: AU, Teen Bo, Teen Lauren, Flashbacks

_Italics_: Flashback

**Chapter 6**

My hands were busy making pancakes when I heard tiny footsteps nearing the kitchen. Charlotte was standing there rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, her favorite stuffed toy still clutched in her hand. „Pancakes? Are you making pancakes?" her face brightened up smelling the familiar smell of baking goods. I smiled sadly at the small brunette while she eagerly sat down at the table. She didn't know that I was awake for several hours already. My nightmares had keeping me awake and the coffee that became irish after the second cup helped me to focus. Letting the final pancake leave the pan my eyes stopped at the big family calendar on the wall. Today was circled bright red with a small birthday cake drawn beside it.

Your birthday... We always ate pancakes at your birthday. We, Charlie and I, used to wake you up early, serving you breakfast at bed but this year everything was different. No contend smile welcomed me. There was no morning birthday sex or longing looks from you. No soft touches no silent I love yous. Happy laughs and giggling not present.

Looking for some plates my eyes fixed on the wall next to the cabinet. Almost the whole wall was covered with different photographs. Portraits and snapshots. Of us, our family and friends. My eyes lingered on the one of your grandfather holding tiny Charlotte with a proud smile in his arms. The grandfather you didn't know existed for many years. My mind was wandering back to that fateful day you told me about him, the day everything went downhill.

_Half naked I was lying securely in your arms. Our bodies still flush from our former activities you pressed a loving kiss on my temple while your hands were lazily playing with my damp curls. It had been only a few months that we were together now, but it already felt like an eternity. An eternity of bliss and happiness. Every doubt was long gone by now. We were happy not caring what the others were thinking._

_I planted a sloppy kiss on your collarbone and then nuzzled my nose in the crook of your neck inhaling the smell of sweat mixed with your shampoo. A contend sigh escaped my lips when I draped my arm over your bare stomach drawing invisible circles on the still sensitive skin. It became a habit for you sleeping here with me since we got together. You hadn't seen your mother for weeks and I felt how much you enjoyed it, how free you felt. You were practically living here by now. _

_The smile you gave me didn't completely reach your eyes and you looked so distraught the entire day evading my looks instead of seeking them. I had known you for a long time now and I knew that you were keeping something from me. You'd always been a bad liar and I could see that something was nagging at your insides. I sighed and sat up looking at you. „Do you mind telling me what's going on in the pretty head of yours?"_

„_Nothing Lo... everything's ok... Just a little exhausted, think you wore me out" you tried to joke but it missed its power. Your face faltered. I looked into your eyes seeking for an answer but only found the thick fog hindering my sight. A slight wet film was building on your brown orbs and I knew you were fighting the tears that were about to come. Your jaw was tightly clenched shut and a little shaking. I cupped your cheeks with my palms tracing your cheekbones with my thumbs forcing you to look at me._

„_Ysabeau... Talk to me please... You can tell me everything. I love you" saying those three words were still a new sensation for me, as frightening as they may have seemed at the beginning the more comfortable I became. A slight flicker of a smile crept over your lips at me saying those words but that smile didn't last long and I saw a single tear carving its way along your cheek wetting my fingertips._

_My insides clenched. Worry engulfing my mind. I pulled you close. Our bare bodies radiating warmth pressed together. I've felt wet tears dripping on my shoulder while deep sobs rocked your body. I didn't now how long we were sitting here just like that. Not talking only feeling until your sobs ebbed down and your breathing became deeper, your body calming down. You pressed your forehead against mine and I could see your red and swollen eyes looking into my soul. You gave me a chaste kiss and then whispered: „thank you..." _

„_Always... Forever, remember?"_

„_Yeah...Forever" you gulped._

_Finally dressed for the first time this day I was cutting some vegetables for our meal. Keeping you away from unhealthy fast food I started cooking for time to time for us. Having two left hands in the kitchen you were standing at the sidelines most of the time. Sometimes distracting the cook or nibbling the ingredients. It felt almost like an adult relationship. But today was different. Your playful manner was gone. _

_I've eventually had enough. Putting down the knife I turned around fixing you with my eyes. Squirming at the demanding look you sat down. Elbows on the table, hands supporting your head while your feet were nervously drumming an unknown rythm on the ground. I sat down infront of you but you didn't look me in the eyes when a sad sigh escaped your lips._

„_I... I have a grandfather Lo..."_

„_You do? That's wonderful Bo, oh what's his name? where is he living? Do you have contact?" I was bubbling with questions._

_You smiled a sad smile before you continued. „He's moms dad... seems they never really got along so she never talked about him. His name is Fitzpatrick McCorrigan... He has a bar somewhere in Toronto..."_

„_Toronto? That's pretty far away..." I stated._

„_Two day car ride to be precise..." you mumbled._

„_Are you going to see him?And since when do you even know?"_

_You took a deep breath. „Mom... she... well... It seems they discovered her... „medicine"" You formed quotation marks with your fingers. „Today they took her to a clinique... What I'm glad about but... With her gone... I... They... They won't let me stay here..."_

_That was the first time my world shattered when those words escaped your lips. My young heart felt like it was ripped out and everything made sense now. Only two days later and you were gone and my heart and happiness were gone with you leaving a weeping shell behind._

The tiny huff of Charlotte pulled me out of the memory. A beaming smile adorning her beautiful face greeted me. Still dressed in her pjs that were... muddy. Just now I saw the bunch of flowers in her tiny hands. I must have so caught up with the memory I didn't see the girl slipping our of the house for a few moments.

„Look mama I picked mommy flowers." she proudly held up the gift. They were wild and beautiful just how you would have loved them. „They are wonderful sweetie" I smiled and ruffled her hair. „I'll put them in to vase and you honey have to put on some clean clothes. You want to look good for mommy, don't you? And after that we gonna eat those pancakes, ok?" The tiny brunette nodded happily and ran upstairs.

My lips turned in to small smile. She was such a wonderful girl. Imagining to lose her would kill me. I won't let them take her away from me. Won't let him take her. She was everything that I had left. She was my life. Your.. condition was something that she didn't understand and I dreaded the moment she eventually catch up and reality would sink in.

The oven called me with a loud plink. Opening the hatch the delicious scent of brownies entered my nose. Birthday Brownies like every year but this time you wouldn't be able to eat one. I remembered the last birthday you didn't get a taste of them. The memory was painful and reminded me that a heart was fragile and that trust could be destroyed in seconds. Rebuilding it? That takes time and effort.

_I was tired and my neck hurt from sleeping in my car for two days straight. The occasional brownies were safely sitting on the passenger side together with your neatly wrapped gift. Not being able to see you for months I had decided to surprise you on your birthday. The last two years had been hard on us. We rarely saw eachother and when we eventually managed it it was to short or we were constantly interrupted._

_The few times a day phone calls from the beginning had died down. Going from once a day to once a week to even less over the years. Starting University was taking its toll on me. The workload was imense and I usually learned until late in the night when I eventually fell asleep totally exhausted. There wasn't much time at Yale for me to make social calls and you? You weren't much better of. After graduation you had entered the police academy in the area and the training was hard and tiring. You were always the one protecting others it fit perfectly and I saw how much you flourished in that kind of work but my mind didn't overcame the feeling of jealousy and loneliness._

_It wasn't like I had no friends on campus it was just difficult to maintain any kind of relationship. The only steady connection I managed was with a young photography student who surprisingly well managed to pull me out of my reverie whenever I needed it._

_As much as me missing you dearly was one of the reasons that I decided to visit you as much was jealousy driving me. I knew that I could trust you, I always did but I had the nagging feeling deep in my stomach telling me that something was wrong. It grew over the time into a monster feeding on every tiny word of you. Ever since you started talking about this rough but incredibly sexy and nice instructor I had this bad feeling._

_You became quite cool towards me in the last weeks. I could feel that something was weighing you down. Something heavy... something... manly to be precise._

_Parking next to the dormitory you lived in I picked up the brownies and your present and went straight to your room. I hadn't been here often before but I still knew exactly where to go. You should be at your room at this time studying._

_The closer I got to your room the louder the sounds and voices got. Stopping infront of your door my heart nearly stopped when I recognized the noises. I heard you. Moans... gasping... clutching sounds of meeting flesh. For a moment I thought that you maybe were just taking things in your own hand but when the sounds of a grunting male mixed in your moans I felt my blood getting cold for a second... I should go, turn around, not making a scene but my cold blood started boiling, tears were flowing when anger and disappointment flooded my senses. Pain... everywhere... Kicking the door open a tiny piece of me hoped that it was just a misunderstanding but when I saw you clutching at the broad naked shoulders of your instructor moaning in ecstasy something broke inside of me. Throwing your present against the wall which was cluttering into pieces by the force I finally got your attention. Staring at me wide eyed like a deer caught in the head light you didn't seem to know what to do._

_The next moment something escaped my lips. Never being the obscene one, rarely cursing and almost never insulting people the anger made me. „Fucking filthy whore!" I screamed with tears in my eyes. Hurt like never before I stood in your room my shoulders heaving while I watched my heart falling into tiny pieces. The heart that had gone with you and that you swaped for something, someone else without even thinking to tell me. A succubus like in the mythology. Seducing, stealing the essence of their pray only to let them fall down afterwards..._

**A/N: Allright this is REALLY the last one. My plane leaves tomorrow and I have to pack my things but this story... gaaaah it kinda writes itself and I can't stop. Sorry for the many... flashbacks, but I can't promise they will get fewer for a while. I just want to thank you guys for reviewing favoriting and following my story. You have no idea how much that means to me. Before I forget I hope you forgive me for any mistakes concerning grammar or the incorrect use of a word. I'm no native speaker and it's difficult sometimes. Thanks for your understanding. So adios guys See ya in a few days ;)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: Everytime**

Author: JoonyMoon

Show: Lost Girl

Pairing: Doccubus, Bo/Lo

Rating: T

Notes: AU, Teen Bo, Teen Lauren, Flashbacks

_Italics_: Flashback

**Chapter 7**

"_Lauren, please wait I can..." you started while following me only clad in your bed sheets._

_"explain? Explain what? I think the situation is clear... Just experimenting with a girl? Did you get tired of me so easily?" anger was flaring in my veins while the tears now openly started to flow. You bumped into me when I abruptly came to a stop turning around. You looked shocked and heartbroken but I didn't care. I wanted you to feel the pain I felt, I wanted your heart to shatter like mine did, wanted to see crumpling down in a heap but you just looked at me with our deep brown eyes, begging for forgiveness._

_"no lauren... No of course not... I love you... So much and I missed you that it hurt..."_

_"so you decided to hop into bed with him? Because you missed me? My eyes were glaring daggers at you demanding the truth._

_"Yes... No... I mean... I wanted to tell you..." You looked down at your bare feet wiggling your toes._

_"Tell me? Tell me what?" eventhough the anger dominated my voice it was fear taking over. My heart clenched, my insides were shaking. "Please tell me it was only a one time thing..."_

_Your hands were playing with the sheet while your eyes looked everywhere but at me._

_"I'm... I'm sorry Lo I didn't... Didn't mean to but... At first I ignored it, but then he saved my life and..."_

_"Stop Bo... Don't... I..."I didn't want to hear what you were about to say. I knew what was about to come. Never had I imagined that you were able to do this, to hurt my like that... Your conflicted eyes were looking at me, begging to explain. I saw your lips moving but didn't catch what you were saying. The dark hole inside me was already consuming me. But then the words I dreaded most were dripping from your lips, burning like acid on my wounded heart. Love... How could you talk about loving him? Loving us both? You were always the one who avoided to decide, you wanted to wander every possibility every world._

_But this time I made it easy for you, decided for you. Grabbing for the necklace that I haven't_ taken of for _years I pulled it of my neck throwing it with pure hatred and disappointment at your feet. Your eyes focused first on the pendant and then wandered over to my eyes. Tears were pooling i your brown orbs and eventually fell. Seeing you like this had an effect on me and hurt me too but there was no going back._

_"We are done Bo. OVER. You hear me? I don't want to see you ever again so don't try to call me..." I growled and turned to leave._

_"Lo... Please... Please don't... I love you... I can't live without you..." You were cowering on the floor, weeping and sobbing. But I couldn't forgive you. You destroyed every trust I had i you. Maybe I would have forgiven your for sleeping with him. Cheating on me physically was worse enough, but mentally? That was to much. The thought that he had touched not only your body but your heart made me sick to my stomach. Your heart has always been to big._

_"Oh you can't? Looks like you managed just fine only a few moments ago."_

_"Booooo... Come back to bed." The voice of your "lover" echoed through the hall._

_"Your boyfriend is waiting. You shouldn't keep him waiting..." I spat._

_"Lauren..." you sobbed. Granted you one last look I said bitterly:"happy birthday Bo..." and then I was gone. Gone from your life with my crumbled heart lying beside you._

...

"Oh my god. Do I smell birthday brownies?" The voice of a brunette startled me, the tray of baking goods almost slipping out of my hands.

"God dammit Kenzi, do you always have to sneak up on people like that? How do you even got in?" my heart was rapidly beating. Since the accident I got startled very easily. Lot of things made me panic and my paranoia grew from day to day since I had left the hospital.

"Your little princess let me in and geez doc, bad day? How about thank you Kenzi for driving me today without charge."

"Admit it you are only here to eat through the extra pancakes I made..."

"Busted... It's not my fault that you are being a domestic goddess." I smiled at your sister like best friend. Even in times like these she managed to lighten the mood. I was thankful for her to be there for me through this hard time. It was difficult for both of us but she managed to let me keep some piece of sanity.

"I'm sorry that I snapped at you... I AM thankful that you are driving me today, because I know I won't be able to..." I rarely entered a car nowadays and tried to avoid it at any cost, driving myself was completely out if the question.

"No biggie hotpants. I want to see her too..." Her look faltered and turned into a sad one. "and I get it why you don't wanna drive anymore. After what happened I probably wouldn't either..."she walked over to the counter picking up my coffee. It wasn't unusual for her to drink from our glasses or mugs. But when she took the first sip she almost spat it ou again. Putting down the mug she fixed me with a look of anger and disappointment.

"It's nine in the morning. Fuck Lauren, you promised you PROMISED me and Dyson that you would stop... For Charlies sake."

"It was just this one coffee... I couldn't sleep and this day will be hard... I just needed to calm down..."Lying, not seeing the problem... Typical symptoms of being an alcoholic. But there was no problem or was it?

From one second to the other Kenzi started rummaging around the kitchen and quickly found what she was looking for. "And what's this?!" she growled holding up an empty bottle of wine. "And what about this fella?" Another bottle of wine. "And don't let me get started on the poor old uncle jacky almost empty..."I saw the vein on her forehead pulsating and couldn't remember if I ever had seen her this furious before. My lips were trembling and I was about to lose he fight, but before I could say anything or started to break down Charlottes voice broke the tension. Giving me one last 'we're not finished' look Kenzi kneeled down to to the girl.

"You gonna eat breakfast with us aunty Kenzi?" the toddler was drooling while she sucked on her thumb.

"You think I'm gonna miss your moms pancakes? Of course I will princess" Kenzi ruffled Charlies hair getting an annoyed giggling in return. "no my hair..."

Charlie was the only one talking with an ocasional respond from Kenzi or me thrown in, while we adults were more or less ignoring eachother the talk from earlier still heavy on our minds.

The girl wasn't aware of your condition. Today we were going to take her to you, visiting you in your birthday. The first for our daughter and she was so giddy.

Fastening one last strap of charlies seatbelt I felt my hands slightly trembling. Taking a deep breath I tried to suppress the feeling creeping up in me. Finally finished I closed her door and set down on the seat in the passenger side. Kenzi already impatiently waiting was drumming her fingers on the steering wheel. Another deep breath escaped my lips trying to calm down my racing heart. I slowly buckled my seatbelt. The click reassured me. Kenzi started the engine and I felt sweat slowly coating my skin. The engine roared and my heart skipped a beat. My muscles were tensing, adrenalin pumping through my veins. My breathing got agitated. Images were flooding my mind. I started hyperventilating. My breast was getting tight my hands clenching on the door handle. Knuckles turning white when my vision got blurry. Panic was spreading through my body holding me tightly in its grasp. I was trembling and fought for control over my body.

"_You are a naughty naughty girl Mrs. Lewis" I smirked. Your hand was resting on my upper thigh dangerously close to my center. Your fingers were drawing letters on my jeansclad flesh. A golden band was sparkling in the sun that entered through the window. The eternity sign and ou initials were engraved in the way to expensive rings. We wanted them to last forever._

_Seductive suggestions were whispered into my responding ear by you. Your hot breath on my neck were making my tiny hairs stand tall and I couldnt keep the hot feeling from spreading in my body. My breath hitched when I felt your hands opening the button of my pants. The sound of a zipper being slowly pulled down made my heart skip a beat. My hands clenched on the steering wheel trying to focus o driving instead of your talented fingers._

_"And you are loving every bit of it Mrs Lewis" you hushed in a low tone and started nibbling on my earlobe. A deep moan escaped my lips when you sneaked a brave finger under the waistband of my underwear. You took your time exploring my soft, short curls while your mouth trailed its way down my neck only to make short stop at my pulsepoint. A tantive lick with the peak of your tongue were followed by gentle that turned into on the sensitive flesh I felt another wave of arousal pooling at my center._

_"Bo..." I moaned. "You need to..." I bit my lip when your middle finger found its way to my swelling nub. "stop... God... Only... Just... In 30 minutes we..." A moan was vibrating in my throat when you started to ran your fingers through my already slick folds._

"_But I can't wait any longer... You looked so delicious and beautiful in that white dress... The thought you are mine now and that I am yours... Why don't we... Let the honeymoon start 30 minutes early..." You breathed into my ear sending a chill over my spine. One finger dipped into me and my walls were involuntarily clenching around the intruder wanting to keep it inside, demanding for more. The wetness down there were betraying my words asking for you to stop. I tried to keep my mind, my eyes focused in the street, but my concentration were slipping from me._

_"Bo... Please I have to... Ugh" your thumb started drawing tiny circles around my clit and I grabbed the steering wheel harder than necessary. My knuckles turned white. " to drive... Charlie is... Is with her father and we... We have enough time... When...Oh god... Right there" I panted. All my rational thoughts were screaming for me to stop. Statistics of car accidents were flooding my mind but were quickly clouded by the arousal conquering my whole body. I heard the click of your seatbelt but before I was able to scold you like I usually did I only managed to moan when your hand pressed further down my tight pants. A second finger easily slipped into my warm heat._

_I didn't kno_w why I kept on driving, why I didn't stop at the shoulders or stopped you. I knew it better but you always made me forget. My mind was too far away to remind me of the dangers, too far to quickly intervene when necessary. While your fingers were rhythmically pumping in and out, driving me closer to the edge I din't see the pickup closing in on us.

I came hard on your fingers and saw you smile at me. One second of pure bliss turned into white hot pain. The bang was loud and deafening and the force of the crash was bonebreaking. My ribs cracked and I felt loosing conciousness. Then there was only dark engulfing me.

A/n: tiny update from spain. Had some freetime and the urge to write. Hope the chapter is acceptable. Writing this with my phone and it's uncomfortable so I am sorry for any mistakes. Well I' gonna jump into the pool now and still playing translator for my parents. Until now nobody speaks german so... Yeah I've gotta talk a lot.

Oh before I forget. Thank you all guys for your reviews you are making my day. I'm always happy seeing someone telling me how I'm doing.


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: Everytime**

**Author:** JoonyMoon

**Show:** Lost Girl

**Pairing:** Doccubus, Bo/Lo

**Rating:** M

**Notes:** AU, Teen Bo, Teen Lauren, Flashbacks

_**Italics:**_ Flashback

**Chapter 8**

"Stop!" I screamed, panic vibrating in my voice. Without asking Kenzi immediately brought the car to a halt. Unbuckling my seatbelt I stormed out of the car. Air. I needed fresh air. Not thinking where my feet were dragging me I stumbled through the woods around our house. I only stopped at our place, the place where shared our first kiss and our first time. I fell down on my knees, sobbing fighting for oxygen. My vision began to blur, tiny sparks flickering over my eyes. The reality was weighing me down, my clothes seemed to tighten around my body, my collar felt like it was choking me. I clawed at the fabric, trying to loosen the hindering buttons of my blouse to no avail.

Hands were shaking energy draining. I tried to scream but the noise was stuck in my throat not being able to break through the invisible border. Panic almost made my heart explode while nausea crept up in me. Not caring I grabbed the sides of my blouse and ripped it open. Buttons clattering on the floor. When first huffs of air made it into my agitated lungs I felt the acid bile in my mouth. Hands draped over my convulsing stomach I threw up in the weak attempt to get rid of the images get rid of my guilt that was eating me up.

Lying on the dirty floor I hugged my knees, rocking back and forth while my pain was consuming me tears were flowing down my face. This spot was calming me down helping my heart rate to slow a little. We had only bought this piece of land a year ago. The house was only a few months old. So many memories were connected with this spot so we couldn't help ourselves when it was open for selling.

It had always drawn us in like some old magic was calling for us and we subconsciously followed. It was also the place we met again for the first time after you had cheated on me.

.-.-.-.-.-

_The cool night air was tickling the bare skin of my arms. It was a quiet and clear night. I enjoyed the silence and relaxed for the first time in the last few weeks. I had just started my internship three months ago and between 48hour shifts, being on call most of the times and trying to learn as much as I was able to, there wasn't a lot of time for r&r. _

_I stretched my sore limbs and let the calmness sink in. Stressed muscles relaxed when I laid down on the grass. I should be happy and I did feel contend. Living again in the town I grew up and loved felt good and despite the stress I was at awe how much new I learned from day to day. I sucked up the knowledge like a sponge and still craved for more._

_I lived in a condo uptown my parents owned. I usually wasn't keen on depending on my parents but I had no other choice or I would be probably sleeping in the on call room only feeding on coffee and muffins... Well basically I WAS living like that but I still had my place, my sanctuary were I could come back to. But it felt cold. Devoid of warmth indicating that someone was actually living there instead of barely existing_

_I had everything I needed, but there was still a part that felt empty, craved to be filled but I wasn't sure with what. I had a job I totally loved, I was a workaholic so the stress wasn't an issue and money wasn't a problem either. My parents loved me like they always did after I came out to them two years ago and I had a girlfriend I loved. It should be perfect but why was there a nagging feeling deep inside me? I let out a deep frustrated breath._

_Maybe I was missing my girlfriend. Nadia had been gone for a few weeks now, snapping pictures for national geographic, a chance she couldn't deny as a just majored photograph. I had been so proud when she told me and encouraged her to go. She didn't want to leave me behind. An now I was lying here anxious and jealousy taking over. I trusted her, loved her but after what happened with you I was spoiled... Afraid of being cheated on, expecting every handsome guy or beautiful girl to hit on her my jealousy was sometimes getting out of control, making me sick. It drove us two further and further apart and her trip was spiking my imagination. You fucked me up and I hated you for it._

_I had been so devastated when I returned from you and Nadia was there for me like always. She reminded me so much of you sometimes which probably was the reason why I so easily fell in love with her. She pulled me out of the hole you left me in with her sometime crazy ideas. Starting with riding the mechanical bull in the bar next door to lastly sky diving. And the latter had scared the shit out of me and she promised to never do that again with me after I had to throw upfor straight three hiurs after the jump._

_I pushed myself into sitting position. I touched for your pendant at my cleavage which wasn't there of course. I had thrown it at your feet. Why I still after the years tried to grab for the necklace was a mystery but lately since I returned home you became a more recent guest in my mind. All our old memories were clashing onto me wherever I went everything here reminded me of you. No matter how hard I tried my feelings for you always seemed to catch up with me I just couldn't keep the distance. A strong vibe of pain and disappointment was swinging with every single memory. The image of you and him in your bed, writhing in passion was burned into my mind and still had a strong pull._

_I hadn't talked to you since that day and I actually wondered how you were doing. You should be cop by now. Were you still together with that idiot you believed to love? Were you still living in the same city or did you move? But I was too proud to call you or write and by now it was to late either way._

_You had been part of my life for a long time, my best friend, my first friend and first love so it was still strange for you to disappear so suddenly out of my life. I had never let you explain, but the few words you did say were enough. Breaking it of? it was for the best. _

_Supporting myself on my elbows I looked up in the sky. Stars were twinkling millions of lightyears away_

_Looking at those gas giants I had to think of the night we shared our several first times with eachother. It had been almost magical. Every touch of you had sent small pulses of energy through me. Your taste, your scent had been intoxicating. It must have been my happiest moment of my young live. After declaring our love for eachother so many times that night it seemed more surprising how badly everything ended. _

_Tracing the several constellations with my eyes I didn't hear the steps of someone approaching. I thought my heart stopped in panic when I heard a female voice talking to me._

_"Clear sky... You know... I can distinguish ursa major... Interesting story actually behind those stars..." My heart still pumping I didn't really heard what the woman was saying. My hand on my pepper spray aiming at the intruder. It was dark and I didn't recognize the person at first._

_"Whoa Lo... Put the spray down. It can do nasty things to your mucosa membranes and burns like hell..."_

_"I know what it does to the human body. I'm a doctor for gods sake and it's not like you won't deserve it." I spat. How was this possible? Long buried anger instantly resurfaced only seeing you._

_"Ouch... But probably you are right... So you... You are an actual doctor now? Wow... Fast..." You looked so proud. Taking a step closer to me the full shine of the moon illuminated your face. Your eyes looked fallen in, red and puffy. A tiny healing scar adorned your face. Your clothes were loose. You looked defeated like you were through a lot. I felt my resilience starting to crumble but I fought against it. I wouldn't forgive you, especially not just like that only because I felt sorry? Hell no but I had to admit that the doctor in me was caring._

_"Started my internship here a few months ago."_

_"You're working with your mom?"_

_"Yeah..."_

_"She must be proud"_

_What the hell were you up to? This conversation was beyond awkward, our eyes fighting to look anywhere but in the others eyes. I felt my heart skipping a beat seeing you and I cursed it. How could it still feel like this after what you did? You had your chance and the wounds were still hurting to much. I wouldn't let my heart taking control this time. "she is..." Why were you here? Why now? And what the hell did you want?_

_"What do you want Bo?Why are you here? Why now?"_

_Your hands were nervously playing with the necklace around your neck... Two necklaces. Why were you still wearing them? Why both?_

_"Fuck Lauren...I know I fucked up big time, ok? I miss you. Think about you night and day. You are in my mind, in my heart" tears were trickling down your cheeks. My heart clenched and all I wanted to do was to wrap you in my arms, but the hate and pain were still to prominent to offer you any kind of comfort so I just stood there. Waiting for you to continue._

_"From one day to another you were gone. Just... Gone... I've been looking for you and you have ni idea how long it took me to finally find you. You always seemed to be somewhere else..."_

_"Because I don't want to see you, because I don't want you in my life. Don't you get it Bo? Is it so difficult for your stubborn head to accept it?" I was enraged. All hidden pain was boiling up, venting. "I don't need you to be happy. There was once a time I think that I did, but I actually don't. I'm happy Bo. Happy without you." Now I was even lying to myself, but I couldn't give you an edge you could tear on. I saw your expression faltering, alternating between rage and pain._

_Turning around I stormed of without saying another word, hearing you calling desperately my name while silent tears started running down my cheeks._

A/N: Here we are again. Please tell me what you think I'm not so sure about this chapter...


	9. Chapter 9

******Title: Everytime**

******Author:** JoonyMoon

******Show:** Lost Girl

******Pairing:** Doccubus, Bo/Lo

******Rating:** M

******Notes:** AU, Teen Bo, Teen Lauren, Flashbacks

_****__**Italics:**_ Flashback

**A/N: My vacation is over. Which means: No more writing on my phone _happy dance_ god how much I hated that xD. So here's the next update. Hope you like it. Getting more confident from chapter to chapter... After the desaster at the beginning of my holidays where I wasn't able to order a friggin coffee in english.. god xD**

**Chapter 9**

_My vision was blurry from the tears forming in my eyes. I couldn't see where I was going but my feet instinctively dragged me to the part of the fence were the barbed wire was cut, the place were we usually climbed over._

_My heart was beating rapidly and my body was shaking. A cocktail of emotions was rocking through my body. Seeing you again without a warning opened the sluices of my dike the waters of the wild ocean breaking through flooding the land that had just recovered from the last time you broken the damn. Big waves of emotions were drowning me. _

_I had to get away, away from you. Not caring about your sudden appearance after all this years. Climbing the fence like so many times before I felt my muscles shaking. My hands were sweaty. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion when my grip slipped from the fence before I reached the peak. I tried to grasp at anything but my hands only touched air. White hot pain spread through my ankle when I touched the ground. The loud crack was deafening and sent a ball of nausea to my stomach. A scream of pain mingled with different curses escaping my mouth. _

_Of course you were the a few seconds later instantly rushing to my feet. You looked worried afraid even. I gulped down the bile that was forming in my throat. I tried to take deep breaths calming my rapidly beating heart. Little sparks of gold were appearing in my vision. Adrenalin was pumping through my veins numbing the pain making my mind mushy._

_You were talking but I didn't hear what was coming out of your mouth. I just saw your lips moving, forming words. Your soft lips, lips I loved, lips I secretly longed every night to kiss again. My look alternated between clenched into a painful grimace and a goofy smile. Your lips stopped moving and you looked at me questioningly, waiting for me to answer. I just cocked my head and my eyes fell on my leg. No wonder that you looked so disturbingly at me. A bone peaked out of my jeans. My bone to be precise and blood was seeping out of the wounded flesh. Shit._

"_Car... med...medical kit..." My speech was slurry and I felt the strength seeping from me. You looked at me one last time to make sure that you could leave me here for a few moments. I nodded weakly and you climbed the fence without effort. This wasn't the way I planned the evening to go. I didn't want you to help, I wanted to show you that I didn't need you but I did now. But that didn't mean that I still hated you. As much as I hated it I would accept the help from anyone in this situation. I would let you get me to the hospital and then I wouldn't need to see you ever again._

_I tried to recall my rational mind, my medical knowledge but it was difficult through the daze the pain was filling my mind with. The wound was bleeding heavily while a pool of my blood was forming between the broken leg. I needed to get to the hospital soon or I could be going into shock. I already felt the sweat coating my cold body and my breathing racing. My blood pressure was dropping, but my pulse intensified. Pain became more prominent. When you returned with my medical bag in your hand I saw you slightly shaking. Your shoulders heaved from sprinting. Quickly you kneeled down to my broken leg._

"_Bo you.. you need to..." I felt so weak but I wanted to give you directions. Your finger rested gently on my lips._

"_Shh... Keep your strength. I'm no doctor but I know first aid and what to do in this situation. Everything will be fine Lo. Let me handle this..." Your voice was so calm and soft when you looked me in the eyes. In that moment I felt save again, save in your presence even when it was just for a short time. I still hated you but the animosity could wait until I was safe. _

_You actually did know what you were doing. You were very determined in your actions and I wondered if you had done this before. You had already covered up the open wound with sterile bandages from the med kit and were now preparing the two sticks you had picked up before two use as splinters. My jeans were already cut around the broken bone and its surroundings. You pulled of your sweater only wearing a thin tank top now. Using the clothing as a padding you professionally applied the makeshift splinters stabilizing the injured leg. You were gentle but firm on the same time. When my injury was being taken care off, at least so far that we could make it to the hospital there was one problem left._

_There was no way in hell that I could make it over the fence in my state not even with your help. Your eyes were scanning for a solution and quickly focused on the big, locked gate not far from our position._

"_You've never seen me doing this, kay?" you said fumbling for a tool at your belt. Seconds later a lock pick was clenched in your hand. I saw the shining metal of a badge on your belt, shimmering in the dim moon light. So you were an actual cop now. _

_I felt the exhaustion taking control over me. I knew I should be staying awake but I couldn't fight it anymore when my eyes closed and I drifted of to a place without a pain._

_A familiar scent filled my nostrils. My eyelids were heavy when I tried to open them. I was lying at the backseat of your old camarro. You must have carried me and I blushed a little at the realization. I felt a weight on my arms and recognized your old battered leather jacket. That you still owned this piece of clothing... _

_I hurt you muttering under your breath, cursing the traffic. Before I could say anything sleep was indulging me again._

_When I woke up again I was in your arms. You were frantically calling for help when you stormed into the emergency room. I was quickly laid down on a stretcher. Familiar faces were around me immediately treating me._

"_We will take good care of you Dr. Lewis" Dr. Fernandez was chief of the orthopedic surgery in this hospital and one of the best in the whole country. I felt how someone put in an IV line. Antibiotics were flooding my bloodstream and I just hoped that I wouldn't catch an infection. _

_It didn't take them long to prepare me for operation. Lying in the or for the first time as a patient I closed my eyes when the anesthetic kicked in._

"Niiiiice view" I almost panicked when I saw the blond approaching, visibly ogling my breasts who were quit visible through the ripped open blouse.

"Fuck off..." I grumbled.

"Whoa calm down miss pissy princess."

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I looked at her sternly.

"What's with the potty mouth? Geez doc you used to be more civilized... Kenzi called me frantically. She was fucking worried but didn't want to leave your brat alone so... I was around and tada here I am" she grinned.

"I don't need a friggin' babysitter. Just need some alone time" What the hell was the woman thinking? Why was everyone peppering me?

"Oh, I'm not here to babysit pumpkin. I'm here to punch some sense into your self loathing ass. Okay we all get it, the last months were difficult for you, boo hooo. But others are hurting to and sometimes you are acting like a spoiled brat. Get finally a grip girl. It's been months now, geez."

I felt the anger rising up in me for her hurting words. Who does she think she is? I rushed to my feet, still not caring that my chest was visible. Shoulders broad, eyes clenched to slits I walked up to her. Now we were just standing only a few millimeters apart, eyes locking in a cold stare. I felt her breath on my face. My nostrils flaring. Poking one finger in her shoulder I spoke through clenched teeth. "You have no FUCKING idea how I feel, what I'm going through so don't you dare judging"

Her cocky smirked turned into a serious and sad face. "Believe it or not but I do" the snarky was gone from her tone. It was barely a whisper. My anger was dying down looking at her questioningly.

"My... my old partner... my girlfriend was shot. Shot because of me... I drank myself into oblivion, fell into a hole..."

"I...I'm sorry"

"Oh shut it, I don't need your pity. Now get up and pull yourself together"

I sighed. "But I don't know how... without her it's... It's like I'm not living anymore. I feel empty..." Why was I telling her this? We weren't exactly friends I didn't even really like her. She was just a colleague, your partner.

"Maybe I have an... idea to.. fill you" Her eyes were intense and I felt my breathing to quicken. What the hell was wrong with me. It had been a one time thing in a weak moment. I couldn't be doing this to you... But... you weren't here.

"Why detective does it sound so... dirty" It was strange how easily my voice could change in a flirty tone in this situation. My body seemed to be craving for contact and worked on its own accord. But deep down I felt disgusted by myself and my primal urges.

"Maybe that was my intention doctor..." She hushed hands on my collar pulling me close. Our faces just inches apart. My body was shaking in anticipation and fear. Was I really about to do this? Especially here at our place? Wouldn't I be defiling our sanctuary? A fight was raging in me a silent tear being its only visible victim. Sending a silent apology to you I gave in. I was to weak, I was just a human so I closed the small gap between me and the blond. Tasting the familiar lips the kiss was far from gentle or loving it was just raw and more biting then real kissing.

"Please make me feel again..." I whispered tears freely streaming down my face.

**A/N2: Surprise? Don't kill me please? To all those who want to threaten me because of the turn of events: I don't care. I'm the author of this story, writing in my free tie and just because you don't like it you don't have to start to be mean. I'm doccubus through and through and wait for the progress this story is making. There's a lot to be revealed. I think it isn't to far fetched for Lauren to seek solace and sex is often used in this position... **


	10. Chapter 10

**Title: Everytime**

**Author:** JoonyMoon

**Show**: Lost Girl

**Pairing**: Doccubus, Bo/Lo

**Rating**: M

**Notes**: AU, Teen Bo, Teen Lauren, Flashbacks

**_Italics_:** Flashback

**A/N: I was shocked of some of the rude responses I got concerning the latest chapter. I understand that you are not happy about, but give it a chance before you judge. At least read this chapter to understand what's going through Laurens head. Keep calm and ship doccubus. I'm not a CopDoc shipper. There won't be any romantic feelings between them. So please don't condemn it right now and please read the first part of this chapter as it describes a little more about Laurens thoughts. **

**Chapter 10**

Sex is a common response to grief. The transference often helps move the pain to use it as something else, turn it to something different.

It wasn't love, it wasn't gentle. It was sex, raw, primal, unadulterated sex. No strings attached. Except the undeniable sexual attraction and some weird understanding there were no feelings. This was a fuck and nothing compared to the love making with you.

It wasn't the first time we had done this. It was actually the second and deep down I was so ashamed of my weakness. I always thought that I was stronger but I knew that sex was a common response to grieve, but no matter how logical I saw this I knew it was actually wrong, even though I needed this.

My mind was with you while I was riding her hand like some filthy rodeo girl. Nipping and biting, scratching and clutching instead of gentle strokes and featherlight kisses. Profane and dirty words were escaping our mouths no confessions of love like it was usual between us. This was different, but it was what I needed like a starving man was yearning for food.

We hadn't cared about any foreplay when fingers plunged unceremoniously into the surprisingly there wetness. The grunting and moaning resembled more an animal coupling then anything but it was what I needed. Meeting her every thrust I clung to her strong shoulders, pants lazily pulled down to my ankles. She didn't care about undressing knowing this would only be a quick fuck.

Pushing the material of my bra down she bit down on the sensitive nub inflicting a short scream of pain from me.

My insides were pulling her three fingers in but I felt my body begging for more. I needed to feel again.

"More..." I growled. She smirked a cocky smile and quickly obliged by pushing a fourth finger into me. A shot of pain spread through my womb at the unfamiliar intrusion. She stopped a moment with her ministrations, waiting for me to getting used to being filled so much. We shared a surprisingly gentle kiss like she wanted to reassure me. Who would have thought that there was a softer side in her?

But this gentle ministrations didn't take long when she started thrusting her fingers into me. I felt so full. Every stroke hurt a little less while she massaged my clit with her thumb.

I was just consuming but she didn't seem to care... She seemed to enjoy. Sweat was forming on her forehead with every move. She was the one holding me up.

I felt my climax coming nearer. My hands clawed at her shoulder leaving marks, even drawing a little blood when I felt myself come undone. But the moment my orgasm hit me everything inside me crumbled. Reality washed over me. What was I doing here? Fucking your partner at our place? On your birthday while Our little daughter was waiting for me?

I screamed your name at my release and felt the tears heavily flowing down my cheeks. That I still had tears left after all this time was surprising. I definitely felt again, but that wasn't so much better then the numb feeling before.

I clung to the blonde, her fingers still inside me drawing out my orgasm while I sobbed painfully into her shoulder.

"Geez, am I that bad?" she joked but I didn't react. I felt dirty and disgusted by myself for my actions. This whole "operation" went backwards and bit me in the ass. It didn't bring me the release I wished for but at least it put of some of the pressure.

I hissed when she pulled out her fingers. I would be definitely sore tomorrow, but I deserved it.

"I'm sorry Tamsin..." I sobbed... "But... please go. Please just... just go..." She couldn't help herself but pressed a gentle kiss on my lips.

"If you need anything, just call...And I don't mean just sex... I DO know what you must be feeling now... Just don't shy away of asking for help or you'll lose her forever... Think about it...Oh and here, take my shirt even when I wasn't the one who did that to your blouse... "

"This will never happen again. You get me?"

"Your loss sunshine..." she smirked.

She turned to leave but stopped in her tracks and looked at me "Please take good care of you... Don't destroy yourself, there a people who care..." And then she was gone.

I took a deep breath when I ran my hand through my hair, tying to straighten them, getting rid of the just fucked look.

-.-.-.-

Kenzi was still standing at the place where I left them. It hurt a little when I walked but I tried the best to play it down. The brunettes playful tone while she played with Charlie changed suddenly when she spotted me. Her stare was ice cold when I took my seat on the passenger site. "Don't try to hide it. I know exactly what you two did there..." She hissed.

A deep blush crept through my face ashamed that I was caught and ashamed of the act itself. I had to admit it actually hurt to sit... Okay I deserved that.

"Mommy?" I heard Charlotte from the backseat.

"I'm... I'm fine honey. Just needed to catch some fresh air" I had turned around looking reassuringly at the little girl. I must have scared her. I had a chance to prove that I was able to take care of her and I probably fucked up. How could I? Why was I such a wreck? Tamsin was right, I had to pull myself together or I would loose everything I still had.

Settling myself in my seat preparing for the ride. A ride I did so many times before... My mind wandered back to the time I broke my leg when I looked at the fence that surrounded our property. As bad as the accident was, it was probably the reason that let us find our way to eachother again.

_When I woke up I felt a little drowsy. Opening my eyes I saw you sitting on a chair next to my bed, watching over me. When you saw my eyes open you were immediately at my site a genuine smile adorning your face. Not thinking about it you gently took my hand drawing invisible circles over the back of my hand._

_I knew that I was still high, I knew I would probably not remember what happened. My boundaries were gone and I just felt light headed and contend._

"_Hey" your voice was soft just like I remembered it._

"_Hey" I returned a goofy smile on my face._

"_How are you?"_

"_Strange and... a little... wooooozy" I hollered. I saw you snicker at my obvious state of mind. My mushy mind took you in for a second time. You looked worse than in the moonlight. "You look like shit..." I just stated._

"_Thanks, Lo very nice of you..."_

"_No I don't... Don't mean it like that... You are still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen..." Shit, did that just leave my mouth? I couldn't tell her this. I hated her, I shouldn't lead her on..._

_You smiled at me and your eyes just dipped into mine searching for something they had missed for years now. "Some idiot thought he could beat up an innocent girl so I jumped in between..." My Bo, always the hero. Did I just think my Bo? The pain meds and aftershocks of the anesthetic must be fogging my mind._

"_And some... stress... bad news... that stuff, but you are the one who had a bone poking out of her leg" _

"_Yeah... well... hurt a little" I giggled. Oh god since when did I giggle? You seemed to be taken of too by my unfamiliar behavior. Ugh I had to get a clearer head or this would go downhill._

"_I was so scared Lo... So much blood and then you just blacked out..." Your voice was a little shaking and I saw how genuine your fear was. "I'm so sorry..." Now you were openly crying. I wasn't sure for what exactly you apoligized but I didn't care at that moment. It must have been the influence of the drugs or the ebbing anesthetic that made me do my next move when I flung my arms around you pulling you close. I wanted to comort you and whispered reassuring words into your ear. _

_You still smelled the same and burried feelings were about to break through. "You still smell so good..." I blushed. Fuck, I needed to get my control back. _

_No matter how much you had hurt me in the past, my heart still craved for you. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get rid of my feelings._

_I wouldn't react on my feelings, couldn't do this to Nadia and wouldn't make a fool out of me. It would take more than saving me like a knight in shining armor from my mysery you were partly the reason for. You made my life miserable for years, made me feel like an lovestruck idiot. _

_But I couldn't deny the pull you still had on me. You had always been my heart and true love, even when you crushed it with your blatant cheating. I missed you. That was the ugly throuth even if I shouldn't. Seeing you worrying over me, keeping watch felt like years before. In that moment I knew it. I still love you..._

_Your hold around me tightened a little until you spoke again. "I... I love you too" you hushed with so much passion and love that it sent shivers over my spine._

_Wait a second... too? Love you TOO? Dear god I talked out loud. I told you that I loved you. Stupid, stupid drugs..._

When Kenzi brought the car to a halt I was ripped out of my memories again. We were there. My heart was beating rapidly when we walked in silence the familiar path. I felt my body shaking. Despite the animosity between us today Kenzi laid a gentle hand on the small of my back, my shaking calmed down a bit but I still felt incredibly tense when we finally reached out destination. Putting the flowers in its righteous place I took a deep breath.

"Hey babe... Happy... Happy birthday" I said with a sad smile while silent tears were pouring down my fallen in cheeks. "Happy birthday..."


	11. Chapter 11

**Title: Everytime**

**Author:** JoonyMoon

**Show**: Lost Girl

**Pairing**: Doccubus, Bo/Lo

**Rating**: M

**Notes**: AU, Teen Bo, Teen Lauren, Flashbacks

**_Italics_:** Flashback

**A/N: I was a little reluctant to post this chapter or any chapter in general. I got some really mean pm's threatening my life, calling me really bad and disgusting names because I fucked the story completely up and that they wish me every bad thing on earth. I was really taken back by such hostility. I'm writing for fun in my free time. Nobody forces you to read this. When you don't like it, don't read it. But getting personal because you didn't like the hookup is just to much. I've reported those people and blocked them and will do so with everyone who starts being a complete asshole (threats, flames and personal insults). And I only talk about the pms. Not the people who reviewed, don't want to insult you. Hope I made that clear.**

**If it wasn't for the many friendly reviews and pms I got I would have stopped posting it. It's ok when you don't like the way this story is going and you can tell me that, but getting personal is just so... low. I'm the author, this is my story and I decide what I want to write and try my best to make everything understandable.**

**For everyone else, I hope this chapter makes a little up for the last two. Please despite everything, keep the reviews flowing as long as you don't start to flame or get overly mean.**

_JoonyMoon_

**Chapter 11**

_The next time I woke up I felt a throbbing pain in my head and my mouth felt dry like a desert. "Water" I coughed. I felt like hell. Weak like a daylong workout combined with flu. The pain in my leg was killing me. Everything seemed to itch and felt sore. Images of my accident flashed through my mind. Accident... I was in the hospital and... and you were with me._

"_Here, careful" I felt someone helping me up, letting me drink tiny sips. The water hurt a little in my dry throat but it felt good despite that. At least until I felt a queasy sensation in my stomach. Just in time an emesis basin. Exhausted I fell back into bed. The acid taste of bile in my mouth was disgusting. I hated throwing up like probably most people, except some weird fetishists who get turned on by that._

_I felt the need to rinse my mouth to get rid of that vile taste so I slowly opened my eyes to signal the nurse who had helped me before to get some more water. Just then I realized that it wasn't a nurse watching over me but you. I felt extremely vulnerable and exposed. What were you doing here at my bed? I never asked for your company for you to see me like this. _

_The anger inside me started to flare up again. Who did you think you are?_

"_What the hell are you doing here?" my tone was far from gentle when I fixed you with my eyes. It was a little difficult with the pain and weakness still flooding my body but I tried my best._

"_Can you just stop for once with the hostility? It gets tiring."_

"_I don't want you here, I don't want you in my life, why don't you get it?" _

"_Because you are fucking lying Lo! Lying to me and lying to yourself" you looked so hurt. Your eyes were seeking for the truth, for love in mine and you were rewarded with a tiny spark I tried to bury._

_This conversation was a little too much for my current state of mind and body. I still felt drowsy and missed my usual strength. I had the urge to get this over with just to fall asleep afterwards... Sleep... I needed sleep. My eyes were so heavy._

"_Really? Then tell me why... tell me how you know that I'm lying officer" I snarled. _

"_Despite that I can feel and see it after only one second I saw you again? I could always read you like a book, don't forget that... You told me you loved me only a few hours ago..."_

_I told you I loved you? When did that happen? Are you lying to me? Lying to make my heart ache more than it already does? _

"_Don't you think I'd remember telling you that?" I saw your heart crack a little._

"_You... you hugged me... it felt a little like it used to be between us... without a sword hanging over our heads." Your hands were doing their nervous dance again alternating between playing with the hem of your shirt and your fingers._

_So I must have been awake before... Of course... probably several times without me remembering... Fuck the anesthetics._

"_I was drugged Bo, I wasn't myself. God I can't even remember a thing." Your face faltered. "And even IF it is true... You can't just walz into my life again assuming that everything is ok again, that it will be like it used to be between us. Too much had happened. You hurt me like never anyone did before. I can't just forgive you like that. My trust in you is almost non existent. You just slept with him... It's not like I'm dead or in a coma or overseas or left you just like that. You fucked him while we were still together!"_

"_I know that I fucked up ok? I made a mistake, the biggest in my life to be honest... I felt alone and left behind. Never had you time for me, everything else was more important than me. I'm not proud of what I did... It was a weak moment or does our miss perfect never has some of those?"_

"_I would have never done that to you... You ripped my heart out... Made me ask everything and everyone... Can you imagine how difficult it is for me to trust someone now?" _

_You sat down at the side of my bed gently taking my hand. I wanted to pull away but the sensation was surprisingly calming and I just let you granting you a little bit contact in my weakened state. I saw tears welling up in your eyes._

"_I'm so sorry... I fucked up but I will fight for you, I will get you back I promise. I will make everything all right so it can be like before..."_

_I should've told you about Nadia by now. Why I didn't? Good question..._

"_Trust isn't something that just appears. It has to grow, it has to be forged and more than often it is hard work. Before we can start any kind of friendship we need to build that up again. You hear me? It's not me forgiving you. Maybe... just MAYBE I will but..."_

"_I'll have to earn it... got it... I promise..."_

_You looked like a lost puppy standing there grasping for any chance to make this right again but I wasn't ready. Not now and I wasn't sure when but I knew there was no way around it for a life without you. A lot of work and pain was laying before us._

* * *

"...Horses and colorful hunting dogs were asleep in the courtyard. Pigeons, with their little heads stuck under they wings, were sitting on the roof. As he walked inside, the flies on the wall, the fire in the kitchen, the cook and the maid were all asleep. He walked further. All the attendants were asleep; and still further, the king and the queen. It was so quiet that he could hear his own breath.

Finally he came to the old tower where Brier-Rose was lying asleep. The prince was so amazed at her beauty that he bent over and kissed her. At that moment she awoke, and with her the king and the queen, and all the attendants, and the horses and the dogs, and the pigeons on the roof, and the flies on the walls. The fire stood up and flickered, and then finished cooking the food. The roast sizzled away. The cook boxed the kitchen boy's ears. And the maid finished plucking the chicken. Then the prince and Brier-Rose got married, and they lived happily ever after..." My voice wavered, drenched with tears when I slowly closed the book. My fingers gently stroking the ancient cover of the book. The same book I had given you all this years ago.

Sleeping Beauty had always been your favorite fairytale. Very ironic considering our situation. I took a deep breath before I set down the book and raised from the chair I had occupied for times longer than it was healthy.

Picking up the charts I scanned them like I always did but like every other time there were no changes. Frustrated I put them down again.

I watched you chest move. Up and down. Up and down again slow motion while the machine your life depended on pumped oxygen in your responding lungs.

My steps were slow and heavy until I came to a halt. I wished so much to see your beautiful eyes again. I missed those expressive orbs, the passion, love and safety they emitted every time I sunk deeply into them. The way they used to engulf me, keeping me warm and welcome were covered by your eyelids.

No matter how often I came here, it wasn't getting easier. My eyes welling up with tears again I cupped your warm cheek. Taking in the radiation, feeling the soft skin I craved for so much more. More you weren't able to give to me. My thumb softly stroked your cheekbones, tracing the delicate feature of your face that were burned into my mind.

I've failed you, I've felt you two times and I felt disgusted but I was just a human. A weak human being. How much I wished for the fairy tales, the legacies to be true. Wouldn't that make everything easier?

I gently kissed you, pouring all of my love in this simple contact, hoping for a wonder but nothing changed... Of course not. This wasn't sleeping beauty, this wasn't a fairy tale. This was the real world, a world without magic, without mysterious creatures, fairies or ogres. The plain and ugly reality.

"I'm so sorry... I fucked up but I will fight for you, I will get you back I promise. I will make everything all right so it can be like before..." I had to stop drowning myself in sorrow. I was an exceptional doctor, a genius and I would do anything to get you back. Anything...

Somebody knocked at the door and a dark blonde man peeked in. "Lauren? Can I talk to you for a second? Won't be long"

I nodded. "I'm coming Dyson..." I leaned down and pressed a long kiss on your temple.

"I'm right back honey... I love you." I hushed...


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Guys you are awesome. Thank you for your kind and supporting words. I don't want to talk to much. Here's the next chapter. A little shorter than the others. Have fun :)

**Chapter 12**

_Working in a hospital and actually be a patient were completely different things. It was my last day here and was glad when I could finally leave. I was bored beyond relief the last few days. Why I wasn't that bored before? Because of you. I didn't remember you being so annoying. You spend every free minute at my side and as thankful as I was for company it was difficult to be confronted with you almost the whole day in this small room._

_From 0% to 120% contact was to much. I wanted to give you a chance to make it up to me, to earn my trust. I should've known that you'd move heaven and hell to make this ordeal as comfortable for me as possible and I had to admit it was kind of cute but that didn't change the past. There was a long way we had to go before I would call you a friend again. You tried too hard, were overdoing it. I didn't need a noble police officer to take care of me. I was my own person. I depended too much on you in the past and that had almost destroyed me._

_I looked at the flowers you had brought me. Almost every other day you brought a new bunch. They smelled beautiful but there was just too many of them here. The same with the army of plushies sitting on every available surface and I had to admit that was now my bed companion. I have some needs too..._

_I was lucky that my mother was head neurological surgeon in this hospital. I had a single room and the best care. She sometimes came over to see how I was doing. When she spotted you her looks were filled with mistrust. She even tried to keep you from visiting me, but we both knew better that nothing yould stop you when you had a goal. So she quickly gave up. My constant begging for you leave me alone just ones fell on deaf ears. You were talking about your responsibility and how you'd prove it to me how much you actually cared. _

"_Bo it's not that I don't believe you that you care. Heck I believe you when you tell me that you love me. I have no doubt that you do but too much happened. How many times do I have to tell you? I don't need tones of flowers or an army of stuffed animals. This is the wrong way... I don't need you as a servant. It needs time to regain trust, don't you get it? All this...stuff, the attention... It's nice, to some degree but Bo you are not my friend and especially not my girlfriend" I saw you heart crack at my words and your eyes watering up._

"_I appreciate all you did for me... Without you I probably would have bled out out there and I do still like you but it's just too much for me. You're suffocating me..." My voice wavered. "As much as I missed you, as much did I hate you and still do partly. Every time I look at you, every time I see your face I see this wonderful person who'd never hurt anyone deliberately. I see the girl that stood up for me even though she didn't know me. The girl that taught me to love myself. The girl I fell so deep, so hard for that it hurt. My first kiss, my first time..." I looked down taking a deep breath.._

"_But then the images getting blurry and all I can see, all I can feel... Whenever I look into your face now I see the woman that hurt me more than anyone ever before, hurt me deeper than I thought it was possible. The pictures of our first time are replaced... Replaced by him... You two moving in passion and it tears my heart apart over and over again..." You looked guilty but before you could respond I continued. "Don't. Not now... I'm just so tired... Tired fighting with you, tired of the hatred that surfaces whenever I look at you..."_

"_Just tell me, please Lo, what can I do?"_

"_Go... just... go... I need time for myself..."_

_You looked like you wanted to protest but then your head fell in defeat. Your next move surprised me when you leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss on my forehead. My body was tingling the moment I felt your soft lips on my skin, lingering only a few seconds to long until I felt your breath on my ear. "I love you Lauren and I'll prove it to you" a chill went down my spine feeling you so close again. My heart was pumping and I cursed myself for my weakness. Your warm orbs met mine when you gently cupped my cheek. I wanted to slap your hand, to yell at you but I was petrified, mesmerized by your smell, your gentle touch. I knew that if you'd kiss me now I would have kissed back, would have lost myself despite everything, even if I didn't want to._

_But you didn't kissed. You just looked me deep in the eyes, touching my very soul with this simple gesture and said: "I will fight for, whatever it takes. I lost you once because of my stupidity, I won't survive a second time. If space is what you need now I'll give you space, but I will come back when you are ready..." And then you turned around and left leaving me there while silent tears were trickling down my tingling cheeks._

_Why did you always had to be such a romantic?_

_That was a few weeks ago and I haven't heard from you since. I had been doing fine the last years without you but now? Now you were back in my dreams. Dreams but also nightmares. _

_I had tried calling Nadia for a few times but I always got the same response from your publisher. You were in the Congo, shooting pictures of refugees, the civil war and many other things. I was mad at her, mad that she didn't even call me once or wrote a letter, mad that she probably didn't even think about me. I knew I could be engrossed in my work, my studies and forget time but for months? Okay didn't think a lot about her in the last few weeks and felt a little guilty._

_Today was my last day in hospital, today I was going to be released. To my own and probably the whole hospital staffs relief. I had been a horrible patient and when I sneaked, the best way you can sneak in with a squeaking wheelchair, into the observation room of the or, or looking over the shoulders of my instructors until they saw me and locked me back in my room. Always asking questions, craving for more knowledge... It was already bad enough that I would be absent at work for a way too long time throwing me back in my still very young medical career._

_I was beyond thankful that my place had an elevator or it would have been pretty difficult to reach my condo. With a cling the doors opened and I was a little shocked. The hall leading into my apartment was dark except of a trail of lit candles. How irresponsible, a fire could start... Slowly limping to my door that was surprisingly open I suspected Nadia at first but quickly dismissed that idea remembering that my girlfriend hated candles and got sick because of the soot. See how well that will work in the Congo..._

_My heart was beating heavily. I was scared. Who was in my apartment and even left the door open? Cautiously I peeked into the room. It was breathtaking. I had never seen so many candles in one place. The room was glowing in the dim wavering candlelight, wrapping it in a warm welcoming tone. Flowers were greeting me with their wonderful scent. Colorful and full of beauty were they standing there, giving this cold place a warmth that it desperately needed._

_And there you were standing. In the most cheesy way with a smile that entered my heart. Rose petals surrounding you. I was speechless when tears started flowing. _

"_Welcome home Lo"_

When Dyson closed the door I took a deep breath. My hands were shaking. I wasn't ready to talk to him, too afraid of the outcome. What if the unimaginable happened? It would take my last resort, my last hope. I reached for my bag and pulled out a tiny flask I had deposited there just in case. My eyes fell on you again.

Lying there, motionless. Hundreds of photographs of our family, friends, of us were hanging on almost every free space on the wall mixing with drawings of Charlie always watching over you.

With shaking hands I opened the lid of the flask. The liquid burned in my throat. I'm sorry... I wished I was stronger. Strong like you.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

_My mouth moved but no words were escaping. I must be looking stupid. I was overwhelmed by all the feelings that were flooding me. Seeing you standing there like a black angel in the dim light of the wavering candles. You looked so beautiful. I wanted to fight it, but this was the moment I fell in love with you for the second time._

_You and your stupid romantic streak was starting to crack the walls I built around me. Tiny drops of affection trickled through the first cracks filling my dry insides with an almost forgotten feeling. Hate was diminishing even though I was desperately clinging to it. It had protected my heart all those years and now it was about to leave it defenseless. Ready to be recaptured by you but also vulnerable to every attack._

_Your smile falters and is replaced with a concerned look. My name escapes your soft lips, vibrating in my ears. I still wasn't moving. The emotion overload inside disabled every coherent thought and froze my muscles. Standing for long was straining my healing leg. Clutching at my crutch I was trying to keep myself up but it started to hurt again. Before the leg gave in you were there. Holding me, sitting me down on my couch. Your touch was gentle but strong when you whispered comforting words in my ear. I felt shivers going over my spine at your proximity. _

_Slowly I gained control again. "Are you going to propose to me?"I quipped. Where was that coming from? By all the things I could have said I chose to ask this? Smooth move Lewis. Your eyes widened in shock but then you smiled cocky at me._

_A single finger was trailing along my arm, drawing invisible circles on my exposed skin. I felt my heart already quicken. It was like your touch was magical. _

"_What if I said yes... Ms Lewis... What if I was going to ask..." Your tone was low and flirty. I gulped down the lump in my throat. Eyes fixing on your lips. Your wonderful soft lips that had always driven me crazy. I was nervous. The proximity of your warm body was very distracting. I felt the heat emitting from your skin and my own temperature was rising. My body seemed to remember yours and urged to take advantage, to ravage you, to feel your naked skin against mine, but that would be wrong. I wouldn't forgive you just because you lit some candles. I wasn't that cheep and then there was Nadia. Why was I always forgetting my girlfriend? It was like she didn't exist in the last weeks. Since you turned up my thoughts about her had gotten sparse and I was shocked that I didn't even miss her._

_It was true that we were dysfunctional even before she went to travel the world. My constant jealousy had driven us apart. We fought more in the last weeks than doing anything else. The "break" we were on now was just the tip of the iceberg. Technically she was still my girlfriend but technically not too. I still felt responsible, bound and she was mine, wasn't she? _

"_So..." your voice ripped me out of my inner monologue and I was captured by your eyes. The light of the candles reflected in your eyes, making them shine so bright and warm that I immediately felt at home again. You were my past and about to become my present but my future? You were like a drug. My personal Bo drug. Probably unhealthy but feeling so good. You could destroy and heal. Be loved and be hated. Sitting here in my living room with a million candles surrounding us I knew that I couldn't escape you. I was drawn to you like moth to the flame and I knew that I would burn just like the moth when I'd be coming to close._

"_Would you say yes?" You asked smiling but your tone was suddenly serious. Your face hovering in front of my, fixing me, looking for an answer. _

"_Say yes.. erm.. what?" I rambled._

"_To marry me" I felt you sweet breath tickling my skin. Your smell was intoxicating, addictive. I felt your right hand cupping my cheek and I melted in your touch. Your palm was so warm and welcoming. A hand that knew how inflict pain, to punch, to shoot but also managed to make you feel loved, made you writhe in passion._

"_Be... my wife..." you hushed our mouths only millimeters away now. I heard my heart beating rapidly in my ears, my breath hitched and a fog of lust and wanton engulfed my already drugged brain._

"_Yes..." I breathed. Yes? Yes? No of course not I didn't want to I... My mind was screaming and I could hit myself. I wasn't a horny, hormone driven teenager anymore, but I felt my control slipping. I wanted to scream No in your face but the two simple letters were stuck on my lips. I trembled slightly when I felt you smile. _

_Not a flirty smile, not cocky not vicious but genuine and full of love. My declaration must have made you happy. What was I thinking asking you such a stupid question from the beginning?_

_I wasn't in control of my self anymore when I closed the gap between us. Lips just touching we weren't kissing. So... soft. Your hands were running down my arms, leaving goosebumps wherever they touched only to come to a halt at my hips._

_My mind was turned of while my body was turned on... in many ways. I just acted while my conscious begged me to stop, screamed at me but only fell on deaf ears when I slung my arms around your neck pulling you in for a proper kiss._

_Our mouths melted together like they had never been apart. Nipping and tasting carefully at first, our hunger and passion took over. Tongues wrestled for domination, hands wandered and gripped what they could find. My core already felt like molten lava just from the kiss._

_Every move screamed our need. I wanted to crawl in to you, tasting you, feeling you. Without thinking I ripped your shirt of off you. Peppering the new exposed skin with hungry kisses. Your hands pulled me closer and found a way under my blouse, caressing my lower back. You still knew that I was so sensitive there._

_A deep moan vibrated in my throat while your skilled hands were exploring my familiar body. Touching in all the right places you were driving me crazy. Not caring anymore I just ripped open my blouse. Buttons clattering on the floor while you looked at me mildly amused and highly aroused. Your lips were swollen and your breathing was heavy. I took a short time to adore your beautiful toned body. Every millimeter of your body screamed sexy so it didn't take long for me to pull you into a searing kiss again. Your lips were honey._

_I didn't know where this sudden forwardness was coming from but I was a puppet to my desires. The desires I suppressed for a long time. I did what my body demanded, my mind long gone._

_It didn't take long for our bras to be flying on the floor. As wild as out makeoutsession was, you always took good care of my leg, not putting any weight on it or moving it in the wrong way. _

_My body was flushed when you moved your kisses along it. Nipping and biting my neck while your hand softly traced the underside of my breast. Tentatively it was moving up never actually touching the hardened peak. You ministrations took their path down my body. Kissing along my collarbone until you stopped at my breasts.  
My world was exploding when your soft lips closed around the nub, sucking and kissing it. I felt like I could reach my climax just by this..._

_When the feelings got to much I pulled you up by your hair and kissed you hungrily. My touches weren't as gently as yours but I knew that you had no problem with that. Kneading your soft mound like there was no tomorrow I kept on kissing you like I had to prove something to you._

_Your hips were moving, your crotch looking for friction. Your moaning intensified when my right hand slowly trailed down. Tickling your belly button just to agonizingly slow open the button of your tight pants._

_Without warning I slipped my hand under the waistband of your pants. Surprisingly there was no underwear waiting for me. I wondered if you had already planned this or if it had become your thing to go commando in your pants. _

_I needed to touch you, wanted to see you beg and writhe under me. An amazing heat was radiating from your center when I slowly neared my goal. Thrusting your hips against my hand you begged for release. Your breathing was labored and sweat stuck to your overly aroused body. Licking my lips in delight before I sunk my teeth in to your neck. Sucking and biting. Agonizingly slow my hand reached the sea of wetness that was expecting me._

_You were slick with your arousal. I slowly let my fingers explore your wet folds. Your body was shaking in anticipation. _

_When I finally entered you I heard you moaning my name. Clutching my half naked body to yours as close as possible your tight walls were pulling me in, begging for release. I gently added another finger and started my rhythm. Meeting me with every thrust you seemed lost. Lost in your arousal but your eyes never left mine._

_We were panting heavily when I heard my phone ringing. "Ignore it" you breathed while kissing my neck lovingly. I felt your walls tighten around my fingers. You were close when the answering machine went into motion. It struck me like lightning when I heard Nadia's voice._

_"Hey babe. It's Nadia. Just wanted to call and see how you are doing. Your mom told me that you must be home now from hospital. Wish I could have come and visit. I'm so sorry. Please call me back when you hear this. I'm so worried. Love you..."_

_I stilled my actions. The heavy fog in my brain was being lifted. We both had a shocked expression on our faces._

"_Who is Nadia?" You asked with fear in your voice._

_I felt my eyes watering up. What had I done? I was a fucking cheater, an asshole, a bitch. How could I let it come so far? Why did I feel like Nadia had caught us? How could I do this to her? Me of all people... I should know better. I was a filthy piece of dirt._

_The passion was gone, the moment destroyed. How could I let this escalate? 'Because you love Bo'... I wanted to fall into a deep hole, just to never come back again. This was a fuck up. I was a fuck up. Now that the clouds of my mind cleared a bit There was nothing I could say or do to make this right again.  
I wasn't better than you. And I hurt and probably lost two amazing people because of my hormones... This had been to quick and unexpected. Stupid candles, stupid romantic Bo... I didn't plan this and I wasn't ready to forgive you but now?_

_I pulled out of you and inflicted a slightly shocked gasp. This was just to much and I started crying miserably._

"Don't I get a hug?" Dyson smiled at me, his arms opened waiting for me. I returned the smile and fell into him. His strong arms enclosed me and hold me tight.

"I missed you you big idiot..." I sobbed.

"I hope so" He grinned.

I was the one who bought the coffee. In a moment I thought I wasn't watched I pulled of the cap of my flask and were about to pour some of the calming liquid in my cup when I felt a strong hand tightening around my wrist. "Let me go" I yelled.

Dyson didn't let go. His face was mix between, disgust, disdain and worry. "Don't. Please Lauren you are stronger than this" he said in a low tone.

"I don't need you to babysit ok? I'm an adult I can do what I want. It's just a little bit alcohol. Hurts nobody" I needed that now, I already felt the shaking of my body but the gruff man didn't let me.

I eventually gave up and sat down with him at one of the tables. Averting his gaze I played with my hands. I was nervous. It had been weeks since I had last saw him and I was so afraid of the outcome.

"I talked to Greg, tried to reason with him but... but he insists..."

"Insists? He has no fucking right to..." I started to yell.

"Calm down Lauren. I'm just the massenger. I really tried for weeks but he already gave word to his lawyer. He wants Charlotte no matter the price so if you want to have ANY chance to keep your little girl stop that shit!" My heart felt like it stopped beating. The world around me froze. My, our little Charlie being taken away from me? No... I won't let them anywhere near her. No one takes my daughter away.

**A/N: And here we are again. Next chapter. Hope its not to strange or stupid. I want it to be understandable even when many will wonder why Lauren and Bo actually did it in this chapter. They are nowhere near being fine. And to the present chapter. I understand when it is confusing at first but you will see in the next chapter. Reeeeealllly hope that I didn't overdone it... Reviews are appreciated again. I thank you all for your kind words.**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I think this chapter has the most dialog of all...**

**Chapter 14**

"You can't just taker her from me. You can't!" anger was flaring up in me. I saw Dyson flinch at my outburst but I didn't care. Nobody was going to take my child, our daughter from me. Especially not bringing her into the arms of that bastard.

"You are right. I can't. But HE will. He is her father..."

"Father? Father?! He is no father. He is just someone who accidentally spilled his seed in my wife!He threw her out. Insulted her, wanted for her to have an abortion. He never wanted Charlotte. He never wanted Bo. She was just a victim of his charms. Where was he when she was pregnant? When Charlie was born? When she cried at night, when she learned to speak? Barbados? Hawaii?"

My rage was taking over. Whenever I thought about that man and what he had done flipped a switch inside me.

"I" I pointed at me."I was the one who went with her to those prenatal courses and doctor appointments. I picked out the tiny clothes. Opened my home and gave them shelter. **I** held Bo's hand in labor. **I **woke up in the middle of the night and cared for Charlie. I raised her like my own child and love her like my own. He wasn't there. But just 8 months ago he suddenly remembers he has a daughter and wants her back?"

"Maybe he changed... He... he cares. Loves..."

"Come on Dyson you know that isn't true. It's just his way to seek revenge. Revenge on me and Bo. After our little stunt his reputation was destroyed. Not that good for a young politician. There will e elections this year. Don't you think this is a little too... convenient?"

He sighed. His hands were playing with the handle of his mug. Looking at the brown liquid like he could read the answer for our problems out of it. Unfortunately only wishful thinking.

"You do know you are talking about my brother, do you?" Another sigh.

"He never cared for years. YEARS Dyson. I love you despite him being your brother but he is an manipulative asshole. Playing with emotions and promises. A liar, a cheater a..."

"I know ok?" He brushed through his dark blonde locks. Visibly uncomfortable. "Just because we have the same blood doesn't mean I like him. He tricked me, used me like many other people. He'd never been a family person. Never cared. Never wanted to. Even when he was you he only had his interest in mind. Believe me when I say I know what you are talking about. But I'm nothing like my brother."

"Yeah I know. You are the softie of the family" I grinned slightly. "Doesn't change the fact that you did mistakes too..."

"God how many times do I have to apologize? I messed up, ok? But she NEVER told me about you. I thought she was fair game." He held up his hands in defense an I just shook my head. It was strange how much can change over the time. Enemies becoming friends, friends becoming foes. People thought you could trust turned out to be the biggest liars and people you hated became the ones you held the closest. Dyson and me were one of the cases. Your former instructor, the person who took you once away from me became one of my closest friends in times when it mattered most.

"Remember when met again at the banquet?"

"_I look ridiculous" You whined while pulling at the fabric of your dress. "Stop pulling or you'll wear it out" I snatched your hand away from the dress._

"_Well... I guess I would have to take it off then..." The distance between us was quickly closed when I felt your hot breath trickling my ear. Your sensual lips didn't waste time to enclose the soft flesh of my earlobe while your hands were determined in sneaking under the hem of my blouse. Of course they were successful and were awarded with the soft patch of skin of my stomach. Your light touches circling my belly button were driving me crazy. Your hot mouth kissing and sucking along my neck didn't help either to calm down my raging libido._

"_Tell me Dr. Lewis...Why do I have to wear a dress while you are allowed to wear something else?" Your voice was low and vibrating in my ears. "Be...Because I'm not a dress person and... you look... incredible" I was a genius but that answer was beyond stupid. Your close proximity was fogging my mind. I couldn't keep the moan from escaping and I felt you grin against my skin at that revelation._

_I felt goosebumps rising at your wandering touch. My breath hitched when one hand found the underside of my breast. "My my... No bra? How naughty of you doctor..." Your body was burning with desire. The need pooled at my heated core._

_I knew this wasn't neither the time nor the place but it had been so long since the last time we did this sort of thing. A fight was raging inside of me. One side wanted to be the rational, mature adult I usually was but it was about to loose. Loose against the side that only appeared in your presence. The side that couldn't keep its hands from you. So aroused, so demanding like a teenager in heat. I've always lacked the strength to resist you. _

"_Bo we... we don't have... ugh" a deep moan roared in my throat when your curious hands roughly cupped my breasts. My peaks protruding at the top of my mounds. Begging for friction and silent witnesses of my arousal. "...time.. the.. banquet..."_

"_Can wait" you hushed softly kneading my left mound of flesh while your other hand was making its way down to the button of my slacks. You had already opened my pants before I even realized it. Unceremoniously they slumped down to the floor as soon as the zipper was pulled down. _

"_And no panties either... You surprise me Lo. Seems like you become a dirty bad girl. Did you plan to seduce someone doctor?" You smirked. My answer consisted of not very sexy grunt when your fingertips had graced my curly mound for a short second only to pull away again._

_I bet you smelled my desire, felt the heat radiating from my core. I was powerless. Sucking at my tender neck you pushed me forward to the drawer in our room. I tried to fight it but I was already to far gone. Your eyes were glistening with wanton when I saw them reflected in the mirror in front of me. _

_Gently but on the same time firm you pressed my upper body down on the cold wooden surface. I knew this kind of spiel and you knew how much I liked no matter how many times I denied it. You pressed into my backside roughly eliciting a moan in the process. Your burning center was pressed against my buttocks when you leaned over me your body flush to mine. You scent, your touches were intoxicating and everything in me begged for release. My legs were almost shaking when your hand trailed a way up my inner thigh. Without warning you cupped my woman hood when only "Fuck!" fell from my lips._

"_Well... if you insist doctor who am I not to oblige?"_

_-.-.-.-_

"_God we are over an hour late... Did we..." I picked a twig and some leaves out of my hair that had still remained. "... really had to make that stop in the park?"_

_You just smirked at me when your arm slid around the small of my back pulling me close. "Oh I didn't hear you complain Miss Lewis.."_

"_You are unbelievable..." I smiled and shook my head. This banquet was important to you. At least it should have been. It was the first time for the former students of the police academy to meet again. I knew you were nervous and afraid of meeting HIM here. I felt how tense your muscles were even after our activities that should have released the tension. When we entered the familiar halls of the academy it wasn't only me who tensed. I definitely remembered I walked the last times I walk along thees walls. I held you tightly against my body and I felt you relax. I knew it was the first time to leave Charlie with someone ells. I knew your grandfather was capable of taking care of out baby, but still there were doubts in both our minds. Even the world best sex didn't lessen the worry. And presuming that her father was probably at the event didn't help._

_We eventually reached the ballroom in the middle of the facility and I was astonished how beautiful and suave it looked. We didn't care for introductions when we just started to dance. Feeling each other close until I felt someone bumping my shoulder.  
"Oh god I'm sorry I..." He didn't even continue when I punched him directly in the face._

"I broke your nose. Still can't believe you actually did that..." I laughed lightly

"Well me neither.. I just woke up in the emergency room with you apologizing over and over again. I still can't believe you actually did that..." He subconsciously stroke his nose.

"Yeah... I still wonder why I didn't just slap you..."

We awkwardly smiled at each other for a moment. Sipping our coffee in silence we just let past things flash in front of our eyes.

Gently he enclosed my hand. He was one of the few people who was allowed to do that and I knew the news wouldn't be good so I just started. "Don't. Please Dyson don't taker her away from me."

His eyes looked concerned and sad while he focused on me. "I'm sorry... You know I'm team Lauren but..."

"But what?" I yelled my anger rising up again.

"At the moment he is the better parent. TRICK would be a better repent"

I stared at him unbelieving for a moment before I snapped. "What? He was NEVER there for her. I AM CHARLIES MOTHER. For the last years. How dare you..."

"How I dare? Look at you Lauren. Just look at you. You are nothing. Not even a part of the person you once were. You are a wreck. An alcoholic and unstable part of Charlie's childhood. And don't you let me get started on the thing you have going on with Tamsin." His voice was low and hurt when he looked me directly in the eyes. I saw the pain reflecting but my resistance would never drop just like this.

"I have no idea what you are talking about..." I said avoiding his look.

"Oh common Lauren. I know that you are fucking her. Don't act like that. I get it that you feel lonely but SHE IS STILL HERE, God dammit... Do you even think once about her? What you are doing to her? And don't forget Charlie. Do you really think she should grow up in a place with casual sex, pain, alcohol and nihilism? She deserved better than this." I was glad that no one was occupying the cafeteria at the moment.

"And you think it would be better with her father?"

He sank his head. "No but at the moment everything would be better... Fuck Lauren you have to pull your shit together. Don't let him win. Please. She deserves better than his stupid schemes but you have to change."

"I... I... okay I will... I... will lessen the consume of alcohol I... My... There will be no more sexual... sexual..." I bit my lip. Why was this so difficult? I had no feeling for Tam sin despite the opposite attraction. I could make it didn't I?

"No more? You were fucking her only a few hours ago." His look was judging.

"You never had sex because your were devastated? Never had sex you regretted only seconds after? I challenged him.

"How many times Lauren? Six? Seven? I friggin' work with Tamsin so stop lying god dammit."

I gulped down the bile that was forming in my throat. I knew I fucked up. I knew that I did mistakes but being scolded by the one who made me a mess in the first place was nagging on my insides.

"It was sex. Fucking. Nothing more. Nothing SHE would have done either."

"Maybe... but you have a daughter and she would have never..."

"Like you'd know what she would do." I snarled. How could he imagine to know you as good as I do? "I fuck her when I need to..."

"I don't recognize you anymore Lauren. What happened? Why are you like this?" His eyes actually looked concerned but I just couldn't deal with feelings anymore. I was just an empty shell. A shell hating herself, knowing that the world around her would probably be a better place...

A/N: Yeah never planned the smut. It just happened, And the ending? Well I thought about putting more into this chapter but it kinda got way bigger than I though. Next chapter will be still more present and an important plot point will be revealed if I'm not distracted by the story itself. Thanks again for all your readers, followers and favoriters (Not a real word but you know who I mean.) I'm still happy about every review. Help me to improve my writing. Oh and by the way I wrote this (the chapter while I was drunk so I hope you'll forgive me for my mistakes.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

My eyes wander around the now lifeless seeming room. No silent breathing of our daughter or happy laughing. Nothing. Clothes had been taken out of the drawers, favorite toys leaving only a shadow on the ground. A single stuffed bear was lying on the ground. His button eyes piercing me, scolding me.

Frozen I stood at the door frame. Tracing the colorful letters on the door spelling Charlies_ Room. _I've lost her. I wasn't strong enough and lost our daughter to a lying bastard. I was standing in front of the ruins I carved in myself. I broken a promise I had made years ago.

_The crying of a baby ripped us from our sleep. "I'll go. Catch some sleep. You still need to rest..." The labor had been a long and difficult one and you were still weak and needed some rest. I was on maternity leave for the next months. It wasn't like I had to care about money. I maybe hated to rely on any one and especially not on the money of my parents but your health was more important than my pride. Still exhausted you didn't argue and muttered a: "thanks babe" when I leaned down to press a chaste kiss on your cheek. I felt you smile when you cuddled deeper in to your blanket._

_Feeling the cold tiles on my bare feet I quickly made my to the room next door. Entering the nursery I saw our little baby crying. It was breaking my heart to hear her like this so I didn't waste anymore time to pick up the small bundle of life. Cradling her in my arms I felt that the diaper wasn't the problem._

_Gently I rocked her in my arms while a lullaby was falling from my lips. I saw her tiny eyes closing while the crying ebbed down until she eventually fell asleep. She looked like an angel. Everything about her was perfect. She was the most beautiful baby in the world and she was my little baby. I didn't care that she wasn't my own flesh and blood. I already loved her unconditionally from the moment she was born._

_Lovingly I pressed a kiss on her forehead. I couldn't stop smiling. One year ago I would have never imagined to be a mother at this point of my life and especially not the mother of Bo's child. After everything we had went through this moment of happiness was a welcome change. We were a family now. The ghosts of our pasts were history. Our new future had started. A better future. What could possibly go wrong?_

_I carefully laid Charlie down back in her crib and tucked her in. She must have missed her mommy. It was difficult to describe the feeling inside me. It was warm and engulfed my entire being. Seeing the tiny baby I knew that I had to protect her no matter what. I knew that I would love her until the end. I was so proud ._

_Leaning my hands on the crib I whispered: "I will always be there for you. I'll never let someone hurt you. I will never let you down. Nobody will take you from us. We will be the best mommies a girl can wish for. I promise"_

And that promise I had broken. I broke my promise to her but also those I made you. Our vows of never ending love, complete trust of marriage. And what did I do? Committing adultery because I couldn't keep it in my pants? I knew it wasn't just sex that evolved out of the natural need. It was different, wasn't it? Or was I lying to myself?

My addiction made me loose her. The last piece that had kept me sane. I'm not talking about the alcohol even if it was a big part. My addiction was you. You were my drug, my world, my everything. On the outside I've been always tough, disciplined, never backing down from anything but deep inside?

Ever since you had walked into my life you became more and more the center of my world. Even if I didn't admit it, I've always depended on you and not only subconsciously. Without realizing it we fell into a muster. I became a damsel in distress and you my knight in shining armor. You've managed to be there whenever I needed you and over the time the need grew. The tiny seedling inside grew into a giant tree taking over every part in me. While I thought I was free the vortex was pulling me closer and now I stood at the edge. Only millimeters were between me and the endless falling. One step and there would be no turning back. I had to turn around. Leave the dangerous place I got myself in to before it was to late.

I took a deep breath before I closed the door to the empty room. It was just to much at the moment. Wiping away the tears that had fallen with my sleeve I made my way downstairs. Turning on the light in the kitchen I opened the door of a cupboard. A half empty bottle of whiskey was greeting me. The brown golden liquid looked so seductive. Enclosing the glass with my right hand I took it out.

Carefully I pulled of the lid and took in the scent. The vanilla and oak scent was overwhelming and I felt my hands tremble. I inhaled the familiar scent. Only one tiny sip. That didn't hurt anyone. I needed only the taste on the tip of my tongue, a little liquid comfort. There was no need for a glass if I just wanted to take a sip or was it? My lips enclosed the opening tasting the remnant drops on the glass. I only had to tilt... My eyes fixed on the photo wall. The family photo. Charlie you and the former me were looking at me and I saw the disgust in the paper eyes even when we were smiling on the picture. I just wanted one... one sip... God what the hell was I doing here? What had I become? How could I let it come this far?

I was so angry. Angry at me. I felt disgusted by myself. This wasn't me. I screamed and threw the bottle against the wall. The brown liquid dripped down the wall. Shards everywhere on the floor. My blood was boiling and my insides were about to rip me in half when I heard the door open with a loud bang.

"Freeze, Police, ouch.. what the..." Dyson was standing there in his disheveled state. Only clad in his boxers. His pistol in his hands while his eyes were still filled with sleep. I had almost forgotten that he was sleeping here tonight. He didn't want to leave me alone in my state. He was worried and... and he needed a place to stay.

I looked at him wide eyed when he jumped on a chair holding his bleeding foot. "God dammit Lauren" I picked up the first aid kit that usually was placed above the sink and immediately rushed to his side watching the injury. "Stop whining you big baby. It's just a tiny scratch"

"Tiny scratch? I'm bleeding out. Fuck" he hissed. I chuckled and not only I was surprised by that. Shaking my head I bandaged his foot.

"So.. what's with this... Problem with your anger management?"

"No.. yes.. well... The emotions just overwhelmed me" I sighed. "But I'm good now.. well not actually GOOD but... well enough..."

"Yeah I get it..."

I got up and started to pick up the pieces of the broken bottle. "Care to tell me what you have against shirts? I have the feeling you are getting rid of it whenever possible."

"A man's gotta show what a man has" he grinned.

"idiot" I bumped his shoulder. "Charm as much as you want I'm still gay and I DON'T CARE"

"Your loss..." He joked. He would never make pass at me. I knew that but the light bantering felt good, felt normal and was appreciated in a depressing time like this.

"I'm sorry"

"What about?" he asked.

"Everything. All this mess I've caused my self absorption... I..." I suddenly felt his hand on my arm. His eyes filled with worry. "Don't... It's ok. Everybody can have time of weakness. All I want for you is to grow. Ok? No more fucking around, no alcohol no more depression. We will get her back, ok?"

Before I could answer there was a loud rattling at the door. Such a late disturbance was unusual. Dyson must have thought the same when he ordered me to wait at the back while he limped to the door. My eyes were fixed on the entrance. Half expecting a drunken Tamsin looking for booty call or a place to crash. You never knew with that woman.

He looked through the spy. "Don't know them. A woman expensively dressed a big guy looking like only consists of muscles and some strange black dressed... what do they call it? Emo? Goth?"

"Dr. Lewis I know that you are home. It is rude to leave your visitors waiting. Especially visitors that have a proposition to make that should spark your interest..." The sound of the woman was heard behind the door.

Waging my options I decided to let her in and gave Dyson a nod. Whatever it was they wanted I at least gave them the chance to explain. I felt pretty safe with a cop at my side.

Reluctantly Dyson opened the door and let the late night visitors in. The woman gave Dyson a once over and I could see that she liked what she saw. "Oh I am sorry. I wasn't aware that I am disturbing certain... activities" she licked her lips while her eyes looked from him to me.

Something about her unnerved me. She was intimidating but sexy in a... evil way. I felt goosebumps forming on my skin.

"Stay where I can see you" Dyson ordered still not happy about the decision of letting them in.

"Oh calm down wolfie..." she whispered softly stroking his chin.

"wolfie?" He asked.

"To bad that he is YOUR boy toy... My informants must have done sloppy work I was under the impression that you preferred female company..."

Informants? Who the hell was that woman? "Who are you and how do you know my name? What do you want in the middle of the night?"I felt my heartbeat to raise. What was I thinking letting her in in the first place? The whole emotional roller coaster must have made me blind to obvious dangers.

The woman took her time to take everything in. Her eyes seemed to be stuck on the naked chest of Charlies uncle. Swirling her fingers through her dark curls I could swear I saw her drooling. A lone finger traced his chest. Disgusted Dyson slapped the hand away.

The big muscled man clad in leather jacket and dark jeans was intimidating. His bald head shined in the dim light while his features were stoic. Arms crossed in front of his chest and legs shoulder wide opened I knew he was dangerous.

"Oh... your lovely wife never told you about me?" I felt my blood boiling again. How did she know you? What were you keeping from me?

"Hmm I guess not. Well then I guess I need to introduce myself. My name is Evony Fleurette Marquise but most people just call me the Morrigan... I am here to make you an offer..."

**A/N: Dam Dam Daaaaa. Who would have thought that our dear Evony would make an appearance? What kind of offer does she have? I'd like to hear what you are guessing. See ya**


End file.
